Today in “People do things like this in groups?”, police are looking for 4 people who are reported to have shat onto the top of a train as it passed under a bridge.
Officials say they received a report from a P&W railroad conductor that on Monday, four people standing on a train bridge at Route 122 were defecating on a passing train.
The department issued the warning on its Facebook page after receiving the complaint.
“Yes you read that right, we have no idea what would possess someone to drop their pants and poop on a passing train, but guess what it is happening,” the post said.
“Take this as a warning… If we catch you with your pants down defecating on the train you will be charged with everything we can find that fits the elements to the crime,” it added.
I’ve gone back and read that last sentence no less than 5 times, just letting it all sink in.
In addition to not turning every train into the number 2, police and railroad officials would also appreciate it if you morons would stop graffitiing said bridges and even more importantly, quit leaving garbage on the tracks for the trains to hit.