Today in a life of crime is not for you, we have this clown from Seattle.
A 40-year-old man entered a restaurant in the 600 block of Fifth Avenue South about 8 p.m. and instructed employees to pass him all the cash in the register, according to police reports. He reportedly flashed a long, metal cylinder, prompting restaurant staff to believe the man was armed with a gun.
But the workers told the robber to take the tip jar, which held about $15, reports say.
The robber grabbed the jar, then demanded money from several customers in the restaurant, according to Seattle police.
The customers apparently weren’t up to giving their cash to a stranger, so the man switched gears and tried to incite a collective dine-and-dash, saying he was “there to help” them escape the restaurant, police reports say.
The patrons remained unimpressed, so the faltering bandit tried to kick open a side door. However, kicking the locked door caused him to bounce backward and onto the floor.
The robber found another escape route, ran to a door and kicked a restaurant worker on his way out, according to police.
With robbery having gone so well, it was time to move on to carjacking.
He first attempted to snatch the keys of a woman standing near her car, but was somehow so inept at this task that rather than screaming or fighting him off, her reaction was to pull out her cell phone and start filming him.
Next stop was a gas station across the street, where a request to hand over his keys was refused by a man in that parking lot. That man was however kind enough to offer our friend a ride, but that offer was declined.
Perhaps it was declined due to thirst, since the next order of business was heading inside the station to purchase, not pilfer, a drink. This, I should point out, appears to have been the only part of this escapade to have gone off without incident. There may be a message in there somewhere.
But since a guy can’t even enjoy a drink behind a building anymore, it was about this time when police arrived to put his crime spree out of its misery.
The man, who’s name was not released, told police that he had been carrying a flashlight, not a gun and that he had gone into the restaurant after hearing screams coming from inside.
A search of the man turned up only $7 and a cell phone, which if he took all the money in the restaurant’s tip jar means that the one who may have been robbed worst of all was him, having paid $8 for a drink. I didn’t realize they had Hasty Market in Seattle. Carin will get that one if nobody else does.
Police booked him into jail while they investigated the robbery. No word on what he’s up to now.