How To PR A Newsroom

If your job is public relations, particularly the type of public relations that has you chasing news coverage on someone’s behalf, you’ll maybe want to take a few minutes and read these helpful tips from the Register. They seem like good advice.

So. You’re a PR. Your boss, client, giant David Icke-style lizard or whatever it is you people have in charge of you, has ordered you to telephone The Register. Here’s a handy list of things for you to consider before you do that.

1. Do not EVER call us to ask whether we read your email. If you feel the need to ask the question because of the lack of reply, the answer is invariably in the negative. Accept that your client’s world-shakingly disruptive cat-feeding app is a load of total bollocks and move on.
2. Don’t bullshit us. We all sit in the same room. So when you ring up and give me the “Hi, I spoke to [insert random scribe’s name here] just now, can you put me back through please?” spiel, I will put you on hold and shout across the desk “Did this person really speak to you?” If I’m particularly low on tea and/or biccies, I may not bother putting you on hold for this phase because the sheer joy of making you listen as your lie unravels and then destroying you like a fisherman giving a particularly fat carp a thump with an angler’s priest cheers my stone-cold sub-editorial heart.

4. Learn how a newsroom works, including details of its basic structure. If you think our editorial director is interested in listening to your intern read him a script about innovative web apps, quite frankly you should be flipping burgers in McDonald’s for a living.

You can read the rest here. Don’t forget to take notes.

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