Should We Sing On Top Of Old Smokey Or On Top Of Spaghetti? Doesn’t Matter, They’re The Same Thing Now

If a single, stolen meatball from the office fridge is enough to earn you a stabbing, then it stands to reason that all of your spaghetti and meatballs being tossed out by your inconsiderate bastard housemate is grounds for something serious. But even so, this seems a bit excessive.

Around 2:30 a.m., 33-year-old Melissa Dawn Sellers got into an argument with 42-year-old Carlos Ortiz Jr. at a home on the 300 block of Gunn Avenue. The two had been drinking, and Sellers doused Ortiz’s upper body with nail polish remover and ignited with him a lighter or cigarette, police said.
According to Ortiz’s friend and witness, Ines Causevic, Sellers was angry at Ortiz because he had thrown out her spaghetti and meatballs.
“She was setting little objects on fire, then that turned into pouring nail polish remover all over him, and then all of a sudden, the lighter sparked and he lit on fire,” said Causevic.

Instead of serious, what I actually should have said was critical, as in the condition in which Ortiz was listed by the hospital he was taken to for treatment of serious burns to his face, shoulders and chest.

Sellers has been charged with aggravated battery. there was also mention of a charge of attempted murder possibly being laid, which…well…yeah.

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