I’m not even going to try dressing this introduction up, because I’d be wasting my time. Investigation after drunk man found asleep in bed at maternity ward with dead rabbit in pocket
See? What could you possibly need me for?
A security review has been carried out at the Midlands Regional Hospital in Portlaoise, County Laois, Ireland, after a man who had been drinking gained unauthorised access to the maternity unit at night and was found asleep in a spare bed. Following the incident, the man was found to be carrying a dead rabbit covered in blood in his coat pocket.
He was awoken after sleeping unnoticed for about six hours when a nurse doing her rounds discovered him snoring in a bed. Security and gardaí were called to the ward. They escorted him to the hospital’s emergency department where he was found to be suffering from the after-effects of alcohol.
And this is the part where we learn that they do things a little bit different in Ireland.
After checking him out, he was walked off of the hospital grounds and cut loose. Not taken to the tank to sleep it off or even driven home, just have a nice night, lad.
But he wasn’t ready to call it a night just yet. Less than an hour later, he was seen climbing over a wall at the same hospital in a bid to get back in. It worked, as he was soon discovered inside causing some sort of commotion. In case you were wondering, it is at this point that some poor bastard drew the short straw and found Peter Rottentail during a search.
“It seems the guy was out on the town for the night, had a few too many and just wanted somewhere to lie down,” a source said.
A few, you say. Yes, and fire can be a little warm.
I’m not sure what became of the unidentified man, but the hospital quickly ordered a full review of its security procedures. Good call, that.