You Can’t Spell Class A Misdemeanor Without A S S

It’s been a while since we’ve had a story about some dude walking around with weird things in his ass for seemingly no reason, but Matthew B. Smith looks to have ended that drought in fine fashion.

A Greendale Police officer went to the Circle K Shell gas station on U.S. 50 to use the restroom while on patrol, according to a court affidavit. The officer found the door locked and was told by an employee that a man had been locked inside the restroom for about 30 minutes.
A woman who was with the man, identified as Smith, advised the officer that Smith was in the restroom because he was “having problems” with his butt.
Smith eventually exited the restroom. Officers noticed that he allegedly had droopy eyes, slurred speech, and a white powdery substance on his nose and in his nostrils.
According to police, Smith advised that he had stuff stuck in his butt. When officers asked what the objects were, Smith removed a fishing bobber, screw driver, and open tire plug kit from his pockets. He told officers that those objects had been inside him.

Also inside him were your run of the mill 22 pills and small bag of cocaine, police say.

Smith, who is also alleged to have pulled two different birth dates and three social security numbers out of there during questioning, was charged with Possession of Cocaine (level 6 felony), Possession of Paraphernalia (class A misdemeanor), and two counts of Possession of a Controlled Substance (class A misdemeanor).

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