One Snake Throwing Idiot Sentenced, One To Go

One of the men charged after a snake was thrown in a Saskatoon Tim Hortons last year has received a six-month conditional discharge for mischief and causing a disturbance. Christopher Cook, 21, will have to meet a number of conditions, including staying away from the Tim Hortons on the 600 block of 22nd Street W. […]

Slip In Slide

A man with a fetish for children’s playground equipment has been banned from going anywhere that has a slide. Christopher Johnson, 46, of Coventry, was arrested after simulating a sexual act with a slide. He pleaded guilty at Coventry Magistrates’ Court to outraging public decency by behaving in an indecent manner and received a three-year […]

It’s an Election Post! New Ridings, No Talking Voting Machines, Who Set These Advance Polling Dates?

There’s a federal election coming up, Canada! Perhaps you’ve heard about it. But what you may not have heard are the following few things that might fall under the category of handy to know. 1. Some genius decided that the Thanksgiving weekend would be a swell time to hold all of the advance polls. They […]

Fine, I’ll Only Take One. But I’ll Give You Five…In The Eye!

If you’ve never been to Costco, one of the best things about it is that they hand out truckloads of seriously good free samples. I’ve never done this myself, but I’ve heard of people going to shop there and stuffing themselves with all the handouts instead of buying lunch. Come to think of it, that […]

Terrible Plan That Could Charitably Be Called A Smuggling Operation Goes Unsurprisingly Wrong

You know that old saying keep it simple, stupid? It’s pretty good advice, but it doesn’t necessarily apply to drug smuggling so well. On the 19th of May, Edinburgh border security officers apprehended 20-year-old Henry Alden after he disembarked a flight from Manchester. The Portsmouth resident’s carry-on luggage consisted of a plastic bag containing a […]

From The Makers Of Hopefully Nothing Ever Again, It’s The Special Blind Guy Toothbrush!

Hey there, blind people. How many times have you found yourself alone in a bathroom, face to face with a toothbrush and toothpaste only to realize, panic stricken, that oh god and sweet baby Jesus I have no idea how to work this? Never? Me neither. But now that problem has been solved anyway thanks […]

Here Come The Cops, They’ll See Our Boy In The Box

This, more than anything I’ve seen in a while, is a pretty good case for the occasional ass whooping not being a bad thing. And if somebody wants to give one to the kid while we’re at it, I’m fine with that too. Jesus, mom and dad. Toughen up. Alberta RCMP are reminding grown-ups they […]