He Should Change His Name To Marvin Hole To Represent What He’s Digging And Part Of What He Sounds Like

Remember Marvin Hill, the gentleman who beat up his wife with an unwanted McChicken? I didn’t catch this at the time, but apparently he gave the media an interview after the fact. Let’s hear what he has to say.

“There’s nothing about the McChicken,” Hill said, “I just…some of them have like cartilage in them and I don’t like them. It’s not something that you want to wake up to and then see like, ‘oh, my wife brought me a McChicken.'”

Reasonable. Who wants to return home from dreamland only to be greeted by something gross, am I right? We’ve all been there. Perhaps we were all wrong to ridicule and vilify this poor fellow.

“I don’t know. I was mad. I threw the bun at her hair,” Hill said,  “After the bun hit her in the hair she started screaming hysterically and I was like ‘dude, you’re…you’re freaking out for no reason. Chill out.'”

Or not.

But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself here, so please sir, keep talking. the floor is yours.

So, Hill says, instead of comforting his wife he thought it would be funnier to video tape her tantrum.  “I picked up our daughter. She goes to the bathroom to clean the mayo out of her hair and stuff and then I was filming it because she was cussing me out the whole time as I was holding out daughter and stuff,” Hill says, “She hit me in my nose, she busted my lip and I was like ‘dude you just hit me while I’m holding our kid. Like what’s wrong with you.'”

With her? You threw the sandwich, dude. Who calls his wife dude, by the way?

Gees Louise. This isn’t turning out at all like I’d hoped. Perhaps we should end this here before you make yourself look even wor…

“Like even the cops when they was talking to me they were like ‘they really arrested you for that?’ and I was like ‘yeah. I don’t know what to tell you. That’s the only weapon I had…a McChicken.'”

Um…Marv…

“I mean it sucks. Because I’d never want to be famous for that. Nobody wants to be famous for beating their wife,” Hill says, “I just hope it goes away. Like I don’t want to be remembered as like the McDonald’s McChicken bandit dude.”

Too late.

For future reference, “that’s the only weapon I had” is so low on the list of ways to make this go away that it didn’t make it on. And for additional future reference, “I did a stupid thing. I’m sorry. I have nothing more to say” should have replaced all that other shit up there, ya jackass.

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