Is There A Worse Christmas Song Than The Little Drummer Boy?

Carin sent me this link, which reminded me of this link, which both served as reminders that the Little Drummer Boy is a crappy, crappy song.

The concept really is stupid when you put a moment’s thought into it, plus I’m not sure there’s even a good version of the thing in existence. I’m racking my brain, and honestly can’t think of one I actually like. No, not even that Bing Crosby and David Bowie silliness. It’s just one bad song on top of another bad song, people! Just because the sentiment is nice and it’s an odd pairing of very famous musicians does not mean it’s any good or that I’m giving it a pass, especially not after annual listen number 47.

Alright, there’s annual listen number 48. Yup, still terrible. And that horribly contrived dialogue at the start only makes it worse. I know that part of the problem is that I’ve reached a point in my life thanks in no small part to radio stations and shopping malls where even the best Christmas music irritates me on some level, but this garbage is not among the best Christmas music and can bite some serious clanks.

The Little Drummer Boy is just a plain old jerk. Specifically, the kind of jerk who insists on telling us about a time he showed up at a party without a gift and made everyone there miserable by playing what he thinks was a sick drum solo.
But he cannot just tell us. Instead, he constantly interrupts his own narrative with twee drum noises so that it takes longer.
I have told people long-winded stories that reflected poorly on me, but at least I never prolonged the story with bad onomatopoeic noises (“Then I said to the cab driver HONK HONK HONK HONK hey looks like I forgot my wallet HONK HONK HONK HONK HONKETY HONK can I pay you in kind HONK HONK HONK HONK I have a book and some Forever stamps HONK HONK HONKETY HONK-A-HONK HONK would that work? HONNNNK HONK HONK HONKA HONK HONK”) This is what sets me apart from the Little Drummer Boy.

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