Gin And Spruce

I’ve been sitting here for far too long trying to think up more tree jokes and nothing’s getting done, so let’s just start reading the story of Maryann Christy and her traveling companion and go from there.

Christy was nabbed in late-January after a Roselle Police Department officer spotted her driving with the tree as a hood ornament. Investigators estimated that Christy drove several miles before getting pulled over.
Christy, who was navigating with the 2004 Lincoln’s air bags deployed, told the cop that she recalled hitting a tree, but could not remember where the 11 PM collision occurred.

And it wasn’t just any tree she was tooling down the road with, police say. They estimated that it was somewhere in the neighbourhood of 15 feet tall. Clearly, she don’t want no shrubs.

Ha!

Believe it or not, the woman who’s mind it slipped that the pine had been riding her for quite a while failed a series of field sobriety tests, at which point she was arrested and charged with DUI. She was also given a citation for driving with an obstructed window.

Oh, and I wouldn’t be doing my job if I forgot to mention that the version of this story that appeared in this week’s This Is True notes that Christy makes her home on a street they call Spruce Court. Nothing I’ve seen has mentioned what kind of tree she hit, so I can’t be sure exactly how funny that is. If any tree experts are reading, have a look at the photos and let me know if you can tell.

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