A Brief History Of Beatings With Frozen Turkeys

Perhaps I should wait until Thanksgiving or Christmas or some other turkey eating holiday to post this, but we never do anything on time around here, so this’ll work.

Alex Boese from Weird Universe has done some digging into the history of weaponized frozen turkeys and compiled some highlights from down through the ages. I’m not sure if it’s because folks hadn’t quite perfected the art yet or what, but some of the older ones seem quite tame by comparison to our modern turkey swinging times.

1987 — Shoved By Turkey
A Tacoma, Washington man had to spend the night in jail after his girlfriend accused him of assaulting her with a 21-pound frozen turkey. Her complaint alleged that they were arguing outside the house when he lost his temper and used the turkey to shove her inside. Police noted that they were unable to confiscate the assault weapon as evidence because “it was roasting in the oven.” [LA Times, 11/28/1987]

2004 — Road Hazard
In Long Island, New York, a group of teenagers tossed a 20-pound frozen turkey out the window of their speeding car, causing it to smash through the windshield of an oncoming vehicle, seriously injuring the driver, a 44-year-old woman. The woman was taken to the hospital in critical condition.

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