Early on Tuesday morning, Sheriff’s deputies responded to a house in Crestview, Florida, after receiving reports of a disturbance. There they found 51-year-old Suzanne Hulvert with a fork protruding from her right hand.
How did it get there, you ask. Well, turns out that 66-year-old Carl Owen Smith (A.K.A. her husband) stuck it there during an argument about his wanting to go out drinking every night. He did so, she explained, after she had smacked him in the back of the head with her half-eaten Burrito Supreme. He had up to that point been using the fork to eat a Taco Bell pizza, according to a police report.
What kind of creep does something like that? Seriously, Eating Taco Bell? Jesus Christ.
A deputy later found Smith at a bar, where he reportedly said that he did not stab but rather threw the fork at Hulvert.
When faced with a photo of Hulvert’s hand, however, the deputy said that Smith began laughing and admitted that he and Hulvert had a long history of domestic violence.
He was charged with felony domestic violence related aggravated battery. Hulvert, who had to have the fork removed from her hand at a local hospital, was charged with basically the same thing, with the added wrinkle of second or subsequent offense.