I’ll Send A GPS To The World. So Will I. Me Too

One moron robbing a store while wearing his court-ordered GPS tracking monitor is bad, but not overly surprising. I mean there’s one in every crowd, right? Two morons robbing a store while wearing their court-ordered GPS monitors is certainly worse, but maybe moron one has a buddy just as dim as he is, moron two considers moron one to be the smart one with all the good ideas, that’s why they’re friends and it explains everything. But three morons robbing a store while wearing their court-ordered GPS monitors? That’s just ridiculous. It might also be some kind of record, though I haven’t done the research to confirm that.

It took Boston police very little time to track down three men who robbed a city convenience store this week: All they had to do was check the records of the court-ordered GPS tracking devices they were ordered to wear for previous charges.
The trio, which the Boston Herald dubbed the “three stooges of crime” on Friday, robbed a convenience store in the city’s Dorchester neighborhood on Wednesday evening. They were arrested about an hour later after their tracking devices placed them at the store at the time of the robbery and later at a nearby apartment.

Jose Morales, Andronique Dossantos and Kallahn Winbush all pleaded not guilty during a court appearance, which makes it rather difficult to determine which one of them is moron one. We may be able to narrow it down to either Morales or Dossantos, however, since both of them were already free on bond at the time. Their bail (yes, they were given bail) was set at $200,000, while Winbush’s was set at $50,000. If the trio manages to post those amounts, they have been ordered to stay away from each other and in their homes until further notice. To ensure that they comply with these instructions, they will be fitted with court-ordered GPS monitors upon their releases. This should end well.

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