How Do You Say OMG Under A Train TTYL In German?

If it wasn’t for the potential for damage to innocent vehicles and for unnecessary trauma being inflicted on folks acting like properly adjusted human beings are supposed to act in the world, I’d say to hell with these morons and their stupid phones, who cares if they die? But since both of those things are …

That’s The Sound Of The Man, Stuck Inside The Door Chain

I’ve never been the best at remembering to use the chain lock on my door, but maybe I need to try to do better since apparently they work pretty well. Christopher French managed to get a finger stuck in the security chain of the home in Colchester, Essex, on February 25 this year. Police were …

We’d Like You To Do One Of Those Things, Sir. But Please, Not The First One

If not for the location, I’d likely have passed this one over since there’s really not a lot going on here. At about 2:30 pm Monday, there was a report of a male masturbating inside the Kum and Go at 418 South Federal Avenue.  The male allegedly exposed himself to at least one person inside …

Finally, A Decent Use For A Taco Bell Burrito

Early on Tuesday morning, Sheriff’s deputies responded to a house in Crestview, Florida, after receiving reports of a disturbance. There they found 51-year-old Suzanne Hulvert with a fork protruding from her right hand. How did it get there, you ask. Well, turns out that 66-year-old Carl Owen Smith (A.K.A. her husband) stuck it there during …

I Feel Like We Don’t Know Each Other Anymore

There are, in my experience, many better ways of convincing an old flame to give you one more chance than tracking her down in the street and flashing her. But if nothing else has worked and you feel that this is your only option, please, before you pull out the old love rocket, make sure …

I Just Fell Off My Bicycle, I Just Fell Off My Bike. I Just Fell Off My Bicycle, This Is Not Going How I’d Like

Timothy Broad sounds like a bit of a garbage human being, having been convicted of his part in robbing a female convenience store clerk at knifepoint. But that said, he’s still good for a moment’s entertainment because his getaway sounds hilarious. If only there was a video. Serial offender Timothy Broad, 30, chose a pedal …

Are You Ok Sir? You Look A Little Pail

I don’t know how much anti-drug education has changed since I was in school, but if the powers that be were smart (big if sometimes), instead of all the lame just say no stuff, they would sit the children down and explain to them that if they get too out of their minds on something …