With A Corncob Pipe And A…Well, Just A Corncob Pipe, Really

I don’t know why, but apparently Jeffrey Osella and his unidentified neighbour aren’t on the best of terms. Haven’t been for 13 years, it says here. Anyway, the other night the two got into a shouting match over something or other as happens now and then, and Mr. Osella found himself not content with merely shouting. So he decided that it was time to head home and grab his trusty gun. Potato gun, that is. Actually in this case it ended up being a corncob gun, because when you’re in a fight to the death or the minor injury and things escalate to the weaponry stage, dammit, you use what you have.

Officers were called to a home along Wompag Road around 7 p.m. after a neighbor reported that Osella began shooting corncobs at his house after a yelling match. The police said he used a potato gun, a PVC pipe that propels objects with a light accelerant, such as hair spray, that can be ignited by a grill lighter. Another witness told officers that Osella’s daughter was nearly hit by one of the corncobs while she was walking home.

Friendly fire, collateral damage, I’m sure she’d understand.

When police arrived, they were greeted at the door by a bare chested Osella. Bare chested save for the several kernels of corn that were stuck to it, that is. Under questioning, he denied shooting at the gentleman next door, but did admit to taking a few shots at his house.

He was charged with disorderly conduct and firing in a compact area, which basically translates to if you must shoot corncobs out of a flaming pipe, do it someplace roomier, thanks.

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