“Here, Have Some Pork Chops.” “Here, Have A Punch In The Chops.”

It’s hard to sort out exactly what happened here in large part because police describe half the problem as “intoxicated” and the other half as “extremely intoxicated” to the point that it wasn’t able to finish giving a statement, but what seems clear is that William Welch and his wife got into a dust-up over her excessive purchasing and preparation of pork chops being at odds with his wanting of some fucking chicken for once, goddammit!

William Welch, 46, was arguing with his wife at their Fort Pierce-area home on Aug. 13 because “she keeps buying pork chops and he is sick of eating pork chops,” TCPalm reports. Police said Welch “wants to eat more chicken” and was found by officers with barbeque stains on his shirt, which he said came from his wife throwing the pork chops at him.

His wife told police that Welch had punched her in the mouth, which he denied. Police said he was intoxicated and his wife was described as “extremely intoxicated” and could not complete the witness statement.

In spite of his denial, Welch was arrested and charged with battery. As he was being booked into jail, he was also discovered to be carrying marijuana in his shorts. No mention was made of additional charges for that, but it might at least explain why he was so passionately invested in the evening’s food choices.

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