Baby You Can Drive Into My Car

I could sit here and list each individual thing that went wrong here, but to save us all some time, let’s just say that all of them did and leave it at that. An officer was checking a reported disturbance on Wednesday when he heard brakes squeal and an SUV slam into the patrol […]

In Spite Of Its Best Efforts, We’re Now Using

Twitterfeed, the service we’ve been using mostly reliably to tweet our new posts to the world since 2010, is shutting down tomorrow. If you’re a webmaster and you didn’t know that, you might want to get on finding a replacement soon. Sorry for fucking up your Sunday. I’ve known for a while, but hadn’t gotten […]

If Ya Can’t Beat ‘Em, Think Things Halfway Through And Join ‘Em

An Iowa woman was arrested Thursday after it was discovered that she may have gone to two separate polling stations and cast a vote for Donald Trump at each one. Why? Because the polls are rigged, silly. A Des Moines woman has been charged with Election Misconduct, a Class D felony, after allegedly voting twice […]

Snitches Get Stitches, But Attention Gets Detention

“Due to snitches, everyone entering my home is subject to being searched. All cell phones and drinks will be left outside. If you’re not a snitch, it won’t offend you if I search you.” You will be shocked, shocked I say to learn that upon seeing a sign bearing those words on the door of […]