I’m Donald Trump…Or Am I

I’m giving this one a soundtrack because we need to get it in before it’s too late to be topical.

Tempting as it may be, there are more productive ways of voicing your displeasure with Donald Trump and his supporters than showing up at one of his rallies and vandalizing the cars there with peanut butter. This is especially true when the Trump rally in question isn’t even a Trump rally.

According to the complaint, Ferguson entered the meeting, which was being held on the 3900 block of Second St. in Amherst Junction, at about 9:30 PM on Monday, holding a jar of peanut butter and yelling at the club members about how much she hated the presidential candidate.
Ferguson left the meeting after being asked to do so, but after a few minutes one of the members suggested they check the parking lot to “make sure she wasn’t doing anything to their vehicles after leaving.”
As they went outside, one man saw Ferguson spreading peanut butter on a vehicle. He yelled at her, according to the complaint, and watched her walk into a nearby apartment complex. The man then called the Portage Co. Sheriff’s Office.
When deputies attempted to question Ferguson, a man at the apartment claimed she had been home all night and couldn’t have been involved in the incident. Ferguson also claimed she hadn’t left the apartment that night, and was repeatedly licking her fingers — indicating the presence of an edible substance on her fingers, according to the complaint — while talking to the deputy.

Once she was identified by a witness, Christina Ferguson confessed to everything, explaining that she did it because she loved Hillary Clinton, hated Donald Trump and had been terrorized by Trump Supporters. She went on to tell police that “Peanut buttering is better than firebombing, and Trump plans on firebombing everybody in other countries.”

All of that sounds remarkably logical coming from a woman who also admitted to having consumed beer and blackberry brandy beforehand and then proceeded to blow a .218 on a breath test, it should be pointed out.

When informed that her Trump rally was actually a meeting of the Tomorrow River Conservation Club, Ferguson was apologetic, telling police that she was “just fed up about the entire election.”

The apology wasn’t enough to prevent an arrest and a charge of disorderly conduct for the peanut buttering, which effected approximately 30 vehicles.

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