Someone Tries To Make Sense Out Of The Donald Trump Press Conference. Good Luck, Dude


So…that Trump press conference yesterday sure was something, eh? I don’t know *what* it was, but I feel reasonably safe calling it *something*. These next four years are going to be…holy christ how did this happen? Can someone be impeached before he officially takes office? Pretty sure the answer is no, which made sense until last November. May want to start working on that, whatever sensible parts of government still exist down there.

But anyway, that press conference. What a shitshow (pissshow?). Admonishing the media, congratulating himself for not making business deals, admitting that the Russians probably influenced the election but seeming A-OK with it, calling CNN fake news (ok so maybe he might kinda be on to something there)…it’s all enough to confuse even the most seasoned political watcher even though none of this bears much of a resemblance to politics. Thankfully Scott Feschuk is here to help us out/scare us the rest of the way to death by offering up this handy translation. What Donald Trump really meant at his press conference

It’ll be repeal and replace [on health care]. It will be essentially simultaneously. It will be various segments, you understand, but will most likely be on the same day or the same week, but probably the same day, could be the same hour.
(I think Trump just started a Dr. Seuss book:
Same day! Same hour!
Same day! Same week!
Your pre-existing condition
Means your prospects are bleak!
You may lose your health care Tuesday morn
Or closer to next Friday’s dawn
Or Wednesday in the afternoon
Your bankruptcy is coming soon!
Your coverage may abruptly lapse
Don’t let your cheery view elapse!
Your dad can fix your broken bone
With two sticks and some silicone!)

In case you’re wondering about that video at the top, the Christmas theme seemed appropriate because Trump really is the gift that keeps on giving. We keep getting shit we don’t want, but what can you do?

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