As a guy who burns through a lot of articles in a day, I love it when a headline doesn’t hype something up to be something it isn’t or leave you guessing about what’s really going on. So thank you, “Police: Man urinates in Walmart as he puts trout in pants,” for making my Friday afternoon nice and easy.
Clarksville Police were called to the store at 1:33 p.m. Wednesday, the warrant stated.
A worker told an officer that the suspect, David Wylie of Clarksville, was seen urinating on the sales floor near the alcohol while trying to put a package of trout in his pants and he then attempted to leave the store without paying, the warrant stated.
The officer wrote that Wylie told him he did indeed urinate on the floor but “was not concerned because it was a misdemeanor.” He also said he had been consuming alcohol.
There’s a surprise.
Wylie, 56, was charged with shoplifting, vandalism, indecent exposure and public intoxication, all of which he was sure to repeatedly point out did not concern him for the same reason as above.