Two Scotsmen, brothers Finlay and Jim Calder, were sitting in the pub discussing Jim’s big wedding day. “Aye, it’s going to be grand,” said Jim. “I’ve got everything organized already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.” Finlay smiled and nodded approvingly. “Heavens, I’ve even got …
Monthly Archives: March 2017
Leah McLaren Gets A Week In Time Out
The Toronto Star reports that Leah McLaren has been given a week off to think about what she’s done, one during which she’ll hopefully find better ways to occupy her time than providing unsolicited snackeroos to the world’s unsuspecting infants. The Globe and Mail has suspended marquee columnist Leah McLaren for a week. A source …
I Never Did Get That Mac
So I’m sitting here watching my iPhone update when suddenly it occurs to me that about three years ago I wrote a whole thing about needing a new computer but not being sure what I should get. It then dawns on me that I never did finish that story and let everyone know what I …
When We Catch Him, We’ll Grill Him. Hopefully He’ll Tell Us The Tooth
Police in Minnesota are looking for a group of six or seven people in possession of several hundred dollars that doesn’t belong to them and possibly one brain between them that might, if we’re being extremely generous. When police arrived, the Eastside Grillz employee told police he had a valuable piece of evidence — he …
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The Musings Of Donald Trump Get The Emo Treatment They Deserve
Ok, the internet can stop for the day. Now that Donald Trump’s tweets and excerpts from his speeches have been turned into emo songs, we won’t be needing anything else for a while. Tweets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CopDK_jI6DI Speeches: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCAbBnWm4LM That one absolutely nails the Dashboard Confessional Best Deceptions vibe. I actually really like that song, to the …
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The Leston Lawrence Case Has Reached Its End
I’ve been slow in following up on the story of Leston Lawrence, the human piggy bank at the centre (or perhaps the rear) of the Royal Canadian Mint gold smuggling case, so let’s do that now. He was found guilty at his November trial and at the start of February, Justice Peter Doody (whose name …
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Joey Quits!
If you’re looking to quit your job, there are a couple ways you can go about it. You can write a resignation letter and leave it at that, or you can write a resignation letter and then bring your marching band along to help you deliver it like Joey DeFrancesco did. He gives the whys …
You’re The One That I Want, The Hair Metal Edition
A few years back, I found a death metal version of You’re The One That I Want. But since I know that death metal isn’t for everyone, I have now found a version that sounds more hair metalish. That should fix everything. The death metal one is still way funnier, but this is kinda cool.
So Long, Bob Robertson
I grew up on a steady diet of Air Farce and Double Exposure, often taping the weekly episodes off the radio so I could listen to them over and over again. So news that Bob Robertson, who without a word of exaggeration may be the best impersonator I’ve ever heard, died last week, bummed me …
Every Rule Has An Exception, The Breastfeeding Is A Wonderful Thing Edition
I’m a guy. For obvious reasons, I will never breastfeed a baby. Some may argue that this fact should disqualify me from talking about or judging anyone who might one day do so on the subject at all. But I know when something sounds creepy and weird, and this, this sounds creepy and weird. The …
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