And If That Doesn’t Work, I’ll Find A Payphone, Make A Call And Buy Every Printing Press In Town!

Joseph Talbot has spent the entirety of his 43 years on this planet blissfully unaware of what an internet is or how it might work. I don’t know this for sure, but when it comes to explaining why, here in 2017, Talbot would spend well over $1200 of his own money buying copies of a local weekly newspaper so that people wouldn’t be able to read about his drunk driving arrest, that’s about all I can come up with.

Talbot, who has spent the last 20 years in a coma or something, took the drastic step after already catching an extra charge with his DWI when he told officers that he didn’t want his picture taken because it would wind up in the paper.

Eventually his picture was taken and did obviously wind up in the paper…as well as on its website, whatever that is.

Reporters tried to contact Talbot for comment, but had to leave a message that has so far not been returned. Don’t worry though, I’m sure he’ll get right back to you as soon as he gets home and checks the tape.

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3 comments
  1. Maybe he and Shakespear Feyissa were in the same coma.

    1. So did you remember that guy’s name or did you have to look it up?

      1. I had to look it up. I remembered how JAWS says it, but I can’t remember how it was spelled.

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