You know, because I need a heroin.
Depending on your worldview, Joseph Murphy has either had a really fun or really rough 2017.
He kicked things off by getting arrested at a Disney hotel in Orlando, smashing his head into the police car partition, trying to choke himself, yelling “fuck Donald Trump” for some reason and then pissing all over the floor of the police station and spraying an officer’s leg in the process.
He followed that up by catching a DWI for crashing a Mercedes and blowing a .121.
And then there’s this.
According to police, 20-year-old Joseph Murphy dialed 911 and said he needed a police dog.
“You need a police dog?” the operator asked. “What’s going on there?”
Murphy replied, “She stole heroin from me.”
Police body camera shows officers questioning Murphy. On the video, Murphy can be heard explaining that a woman stole money from him.
But the officers wanted to know about the heroin that he mentioned on the emergency call.
“What’s this about the heroin because we were told she took your heroin?” an officer asked.
Murphy responded with something that couldn’t quite be made out, then apparently gave up on his attempt to trick the cops with his “heroin? I said money. Must have been a bad phone connection” act and pulled what the police described as a brown, waxy, heroin-looking substance out of his pants.
It was confiscated and Murphy was taken to the station for a nice fingerprinting before being released.
Why was he released, you ask. He was let go while police await the results of testing on his pants wax. Police say charges are pending.