It Used To Be Fun

Gill doesn’t seem to be feeling Christmas this year. I’ve been there, though for different reasons.

Some of my favorite memories are coming downstairs Christmas morning and sitting by the fire to open the stockings. Other favorite moments involve sitting in the living room of my family’s 100 year old farmhouse hot chocolate, or in later years a coffee at my side opening gifts and having laughs and joy.

When The Fun Stopped

Having a disability meant having to collect money from the government, and being on a very fixed very low income. When Christmas advertisements come around in early November, sometimes I am still reminded of the farmhouse fun, but others, especially if it’s some fine jewelry that I couldn’t possibly afford to give my mom I have mixed feelings.

How It Makes Me Feel

For the most part there’s a touch of sadness, but sometimes it spirals down in to something that resembles anger mixed with embarrassment. Case in point, in 2013 I bought my sister something from Wallmart, and initially she seemed grateful, but a few months later she basically told me I was “white trash`.

The Tiffany’s Incident

Not to be out done my sister that same Christmas gave my mom a bracelet from Tiffany. It needed a little fix up a few months later, and since we were in Toronto we went in to Tiffany. I immediately got uncomfortable, and longed to tell my mom to leave me outside because I clearly didn’t belong in such a classy place.

What’s My Point?

I honestly feel that the holidays should be more about time honored traditions, the turkey, going visiting, or gathering around great-aunt Merna’s piano to sing those classic carols.

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