Simply Orange And A Few Other Surprises

Meet Willis Gene Burdette, who may or may not be Michael Kevin Lallana’s grandfather. If the two aren’t related, they’re at least spirit animals or something.

The woman contacted police after her home security system recorded Burdette entering the residence one afternoon. Burdette, a criminal complaint noted, got into the home by “using a key located inside of her shed.” Once inside, the married septuagenarian “began to masturbate inside a small tool room near the garage.”
Burdette then “removed a bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator and cum inside the bottle of orange juice,” a Jackson Township Police Department detective reported. He then proceeded to “shake the bottle” before returning it to the refrigerator.

Heh heh heh, you said tool room.

Unlike in the Lallana case, nobody put down any of the tainted love either by accident or for investigatory purposes, so the story has more than one happy ending.

Burdette, who had been working as a landscaper which is why he had access to the home in the first place, plead guilty to felony burglary and attempted felonious assault and was sentenced to 100 days in jail. He was also given three years probation, 200 hours of community service, an order to complete a mental health assessment and a ban from taking any job that would allow him into private houses.

Heh heh heh, you said private.

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