Another Guy Who Can’t Keep His Hands In The To Himself Position

It’s been a little while since we’ve had to talk about it which is nice, but unfortunately there are still folks trying to be much too nice to their seatmates on airplanes, which is not nice at all. Seriously fellas, let’s cut that shit out.

According to the FBI, the 22-year-old victim was traveling Wednesday morning on a Spirit Airlines flight when she dozed off in her window seat. “She woke up to a hand in her pants and noticed that her pants and shirt were unbuttoned,” reported Agent Kyle Dodge.
The woman, Dodge reported, said that the male passenger next to her “was shoving his fingers inside her vagina and vigorously moving them. When she fully woke up, the man stopped.”
The victim immediately reported the attack to flight attendants, who later told federal agents that she was “visibly upset and was crying.”

During the traditional post-landing chat, 34-year-old Prabhu Ramamoorthy told police everything from I didn’t do anything to maybe I undid her bra while I was playing with it to yeah, I suppose I did cup a boob in my hand but it was over the clothes I swear to yes I unzipped her pants so I could stick a finger or two in there, but none of ’em made it in, honest.

Unmoved, police charged him with aggravated sexual abuse, an offense which should but doesn’t carry a sentence of quarter past forever if convicted.

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