Cap’n Cord

I don’t necessarily advocate this sort of thing, but seriously, close the damn box, man. Is this really that hard?

According to police, the victim said that Smith became upset upon discovering the stale cereal and blamed him for failing to keep the Cap’n Crunch fresh. Smith was especially perturbed since he is missing teeth and had difficulty consuming the stale cereal.
At one point, Smith demanded that his roommate remove his dentures so that he could experience how hard it was to consume the Cap’n Crunch. When the man refused, Smith allegedly began striking the victim with an electrical cord.

You know, the more I read, the more I think I get Duane Barry Smith. There’s the unless the box has suffered damage during opening, fucking shut it issue that we’ve already covered, but the man also has good taste in bad cereal. Cap’n Crunch is the friggin best, no room for argument.

Anyway, the beating caused Smith’s unidentified roommate injuries to his face, arm and hand. He is expected to be fine and to know better in the future, for Christ’s sake.

Smith, meanwhile, has been charged with domestic violence and may or may not be in custody. A jail official declined to comment when contacted, citing the facility’s policy of not commenting on the status of cereal offenders. Only half of that last sentence is true. I’ll let you decide for yourselves which one it is.

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