Lazily Mashed Out Wrestling Opinions! Yay!

“Haven’t done one of these in a long ass time,” he said yet again.

1. Rusev is the most underutilized man on the WWE roster.

No. A pretty hard no, actually. Picking the most underutilized person on the roster is basically impossible, because there are so many of them. He’s not winning all of his matches on his way to a years long title run, but at least he’s on tv and the crowds, whether they’re supposed to or not, love the hell out of him. Plus he’s going to sell a shitload of Rusev Day merch. Talk to me when he becomes Heath Slater, who the crowd was getting behind but is now back to being a punching bag and not even an amusing one most weeks.

2. The Smackdown top 10 list is a silly idea, that will lead to nothing and will soon be gone.

Yes. A pretty hard yes, actually. Top whatever lists in wrestling rarely ever work anyway, and how do you expect WWE, who can’t keep their logic straight from show to show or sometimes even segment to segment, to keep track of it? Plus the whole thing is confusing. We don’t even know what the point is. If it’s to rank contenders for the WWE Title, why are there tag teams and women on it? For that matter, why is the champion on it? And what’s the reward for being number one or number two. Right now the whole thing seems to have been designed as a lazy way for Randy Orton to act like a fucking baby about being ranked ninth. I hope it dies.

3. Dolph Ziggler could leave wrestling tomorrow and it wouldn’t bother you one bit.

I could do without this incarnation of him where he drops the U.S. belt, says he’s not appreciated, disappears for a month and a half only to return as the same geek he was when he left like none of that happened, but I would certainly be disappointed if the real person left wrestling on anything other than his own terms. Same goes for anyone else in that situation. He’s a definite talent, he’s just been a victim of WWE not knowing what they’re doing. He’s hardly alone there.

By the way, am I the only one who was hoping that the Ziggler gives up the title storyline would consist of him coming back, winning it again and then dropping it repeatedly until management tells him that if he doesn’t actually defend it this time he’s fired or that he’ll never get to wrestle for any belt ever again? That would have been so much more interesting.

4. It’s taken almost a year in a half, but WWE 205 Live is becoming must see TV.

Oh my jesus no. I’ve been giving it another chance the last few weeks because I’ve been hearing good things about it, but while it’s certainly gotten better, it’s nothing I would order you to drop everything and watch. The wrestling has been good, they’re trying to scale back on the awful backstage segments and who doesn’t like a good tournament, but it’s still basically the same WWE presentation in front of the deadest of dead ass crowds that made it feel like the third hour of Smackdown that nobody asked for that it’s been since the beginning. I’m not telling you not to watch it because you maybe should if you need a few more decent wrestling matches in your life, but if you don’t watch it, that’s ok. Life will go on and you won’t have missed much.

Oh, and why is Cedric Alexander being forced to go through a tournament to earn his shot at the Cruiserweight Title? The poor bastard has been fucked out of two or three chances already through no fault of his own. Shouldn’t the winner of the tournament have to face him at Mania to crown the new champion? For all this talk about new bookers and a new philosophy, this seems like more of the same old all of the babyfaces in WWE are dicks mentality that’s one of the biggest turnoffs about Raw and Smackdown. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

5. Elias will win the 2018 Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Who cares? That’s a serious question. WWE has done exactly zero with anyone else who’s won it. It’s just a way to get a bunch of bodies onto Mania that would otherwise have nothing to do. Whoever wins will get a couple weeks worth of promos and some camera time with the trophy out of it and then it’ll be forgotten.

6. Following the departure of Jeremy Borash, Impact Wrestling should bring in Kevin Kelly to do commentary with Don Callis.

Impact has far bigger things to worry about than who’s calling the action. For instance, how do we tape 37 million shows in a week and then stretch them out over months of tv time and keep them feeling fresh? Do we really need to pad them with matches from random indie shows and make it look like we don’t have enough material? How do we make literally anything that happens on our program feel in any way important? How do we not screw up this latest reset? Kelly and Callis are as good as it gets as far as announce teams go. They’re an absolute joy to listen to, but they’re also calling one of the best wrestling products in the world. As it is right now, I don’t know how much of a difference they would make on Impact even though Callis is partly in charge of the place. I’m sure it would be cool to hear them there one day, but first I’d like for Impact to feel like more than a thing that exists simply because nobody’s been able to kill it. Announcers are a big part of the presentation, but you could have put Jim Ross, Mauro Ranallo and Gordon Solie on last year’s 205 Live and I still would have stopped watching it.

Well, that sure was nice and glum. Hopefully things will be better when we do this again…whenever that is.

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