Well Over Half The Residents Of Peel Region Don’t Know What 911 Is For. Good Lord

Want to hear a depressing statistic? Less than 60 per cent of the calls received by 911 in Peel Region are emergencies. That’s sad on its own, but when the next number you hear is that the service gets around 30,000 calls each month, it goes from just sad to downright pathetic.

At this point, you might be wondering just what the hell all of these people are doing with it if not using it properly. That would be things like this.

Yes, you did in fact just listen to an adult human being call 911 because the machines at the laundromat weren’t working. And that’s not even the worst of it.

“Don’t call 911 if you don’t want to go in to work, or if you’ve lost your wallet.”

Communicator Sandeep Hayer said she has had callers dial 911 daily to ask what time it is, to complain that the bank isn’t open and yes, to ask her to call in sick on their behalf.

Things have gotten so bad that a campaign has been launched to teach people the difference between a life-threatening emergency and whatever the fuck is going on more than half the time now. They say the goal of the campaign is to educate rather than to make fun, but if there are two things I’ve learned in this life they are A: that there’s no reason you can’t do both simultaneously and B: that the people behind campaigns like this are often having to try very, very hard not to say the things they would like to say.

So don’t worry, Peel Police. I’ve got your back. You may not be able to call this thing the Would You Fucking Morons Put On Your Big Boy Pants And Remember What You Learned In Grade Two Goddammit Campaign, but I can, and I will. I will because I care, and because should the day ever come that I find myself in your area and in need of help, those words are exactly what I hope not to be screaming while my lifesaving ambulance is delayed by some clown who’s never heard of an ATM.

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