I Want To Eat AT Wendy’s Right Now In Spite Of The Fact That This Is How They Train People

I don’t have a whole lot to say about this load of Wendy’s employee training videos I’m about to drop on you, but I do have to ask: Do restaurants still make these things? If yes, how does anyone ever learn to do anything correctly?

Oh. Right. Never mind.

Yes, that was partly a shot at some of the terrible service I’ve been on the wrong end of in my day, but also a genuine question. I’m sure on some level they’re instructional and that eventually you’ll find yourself singing about where to put your lemon, but how long does that take? How many times do you have to watch one of these before it stops being ridiculous and starts being helpful? And how long does it take to go from helpful to haunting your thoughts whether you’re sleeping or awake?

Alright, let’s learn how to make and serve some stuff!

First up, cold drinks in what sounds like the style of a rapped Paula Abdul tune.

It’s just good sense to follow that up with hot drinks. I can’t pick out who specifically they had in mind stylistically here, because for a while in the 80s this is what everything sounded like.

We need to give those drinks something to wash down, so why not some chili or maybe a kids’ meal? I didn’t realize Wendy’s had chili way back in whatever decade this song is meant to represent. I don’t remember having a chili at Wendy’s until the late 90s, but Google is giving me the sense that they’ve always had it.

And of course nothing is more important than your grill skills. So important are they that this one’s a 2-parter. And my god, what a 2-parter it is. There’s a bad Robert Palmer impression, Dave Thomas showing up to repeatedly pronounce the word fashioned in a distracting way that he either coached out of his voice later or that I’ve totally forgotten, some acting straight out of every educational film you’ve ever seen and the obligatory rappin’ and weird ass music video.

And in case you’re overwhelmed by all of that like our hero Bill here, let’s talk through the rap song before…oh, just watch.

I want to go to Wendy’s now. Anybody else? I haven’t had a Frosty in ages.

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