Go Home Ontario, You’re Drunk. Possibly ON Buck-A-Beer Meant To Distract You From The Fact That You Just Voted In A Total Asshat


So. Premier Doug Ford is a thing now.

I’m not going to say I’m surprised. I can’t. The existence of Donald J. Trump, President of the United States makes being surprised by an election result pretty well impossible. But what I can say is that I’m incredibly disappointed. More than anything I’m disappointed in the nearly 43 percent of people who didn’t bother voting, but I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t also disappointed by what the people who did chose to do. Yes, I’m glad you made your voice heard, as is your right. I’d rather you do that than not do it. But since we’re talking about rights, it’s my right to think that your voice is kind of dumb and awful. How people who looked at their options and the state of the province could decide who needs better public transit or higher pay for people who are struggling or expanded health coverage or any of a thousand other things that would benefit everyone, I’m voting for the guy who doesn’t seem to like gay people or minorities or the disabled all that much but might give us reasonably priced beer is baffling. It’s baffling because this is Canada, where we’ve spent so much of the last two years talking about how aware we are compared to Americans and how there’s no way a Trump could ever happen here. I don’t know that Doug Ford is Trump in his purest form, but he’s a bit too close for comfort in some ways. It’s a damn shame that people couldn’t get past their blind hatred for the Liberals or fear of the NDP and see that.

Of course I want Doug Ford to do well. I hope he assembles a competent team to guide him. A team that will help him govern fairly and reasonably and has the courage to talk him out of doing a lot of the really stupid stuff. I hope that he has objectively good ideas and that they work as intended. If those things happen, we’ll all be better for it. But I’ll be honest, it can get hard to have hope for things like those on days like this.

But hey, there was some good news last night. The streak lives!

The party with the least number of votes?
That’s the Pauper Party of Ontario, which is currently sitting with 111 votes … or 0.00 per cent of the popular vote. The party is run by John Turmel, the man who holds the Guinness record for the most elections run in and the most elections lost.
But don’t feel bad for Turmel. He’s already announced he’s running for mayor in the municipal election this fall in Brantford.

The record now stands at 93, I believe. Well done, Jiu-Jitsu John!

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