I Can’t Wait To See My Old Flame…And Then Piss It Out


A friendly chap by the name of Michael Allen Haag seems to have had himself quite the time during a recent plane ride from Denver to Charleston, according to reports. The people around him? Probably not so much.

Witnesses gave an FBI agent these accounts of a harrowing flight from Denver on Thursday night, according to an arrest affidavit:
During the first two rounds of drink orders, Haag bought double shots of vodka and tonic.
At some point, he turned to a woman sitting next to him and described being “physically excited” to visit an old girlfriend in Charleston. The passenger threw on some headphones and tried to sleep.

But as Haag asked the woman about her relationship with her husband and looked at her legs, she later told the FBI, she grew “more and more uncomfortable.”
Haag then turned to another woman, who was asleep when she felt Haag touching her fingers. She lifted her head from her tray and found Haag looking away, “very agitated and shuffling things.”
He touched her leg, she later said.
“Stop touching me,” she yelled, as Haag leaned toward her and apologized. “Back off.”
After she said Haag touched her leg again, the woman stood and yelled for a flight attendant. 
The flight crew ushered Haag to the back row of the plane, where another woman reported seeing him urinate on the seat in front of him.
The woman snapped a picture, then screamed.

This, I do believe, would be the photo in question. You’re welcome, and I’m sorry.

Haag faces a charge of indecent exposure that could carry with it a sentence of 90 days should he be convicted, but that’s the least of his worries. He was also hit with a felony count for interfering with a flight crew. That one could net him up to 20 years.

I hope that was some good vodka, my man.

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