And…That’s One

Hopefully this isn’t the beginning of another list. And why the apparently fake dong? Do those come in the official city of Guelph indecent acts starter kit so you can decide whether the new town hobby is truly for you?

On Feb. 19, 2019 between 8 and 8:20 a.m., a 13-year-old female was walking to school in the area of Edinburgh Road South and Honey Crescent. An unknown male approached the child and exposed, what appeared to be, a fake penis to the child. The suspect did not make any attempt to grab the child and nothing was said. The child was able to flee to her school and Police were contacted.

The male is described as white, 40-50 years old, wearing all black clothing, including a black toque and black scarf.
Guelph police are asking anyone that was in the area of Edinburgh Road South and Honey Crescent within the time frame of 8-8:30 a.m., that has dash cam video capturing pedestrians, to call Detective Sergeant Melanie Clark at 519-824-1212 or email her at If you have information and would like to stay anonymous, you can call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS.

And yes, even after all this time I still giggle softly to myself when we get to the word tips.

Wishing the cops well finding this guy. We make fun, but fake wiener or not, there’s still no room for creeps like this to be roaming free.

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  1. I keep picturing you and Greg at that restaurant that one Halloween weekend, him wearing that giant fake shween, the time you made the band scream. I forget what that costume was supposed to be.

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