Today In Not Freaking Happening: Bring The Phone To Bed With You For Customized Sexy Time Music

Last Updated on: 13th March 2019, 04:27 pm

I’ve been off the sex market for a very long time. But let me assure you that if I weren’t and if one day I happened to find myself with someone and the conversation went something like “Ok, before we do this I’m just going to set the phone on the bed,” that person is outa here. Yes, even if we’re in her house.

Dude. Seriously. No phones on the bed, even if the reason is kind of creative. It’s creepy.

Besides, if this thing doesn’t have Short Music for Short People, it’s not doing me a whole lot of good anyway.

BEDBEATS
A musically responsive app that syncs with your sexual rhythm …
YOU’RE WELCOME!!!

AWESOME FEATURES
It’s simple, download the app, adjust for mattress firmness, select one of the music categories—dance, trance, funk, chill, roots or smooth jazz —choose your song, then place the phone somewhere on your mattress.
MUSIC UPDATES
Regular New Music releases, designed just how you like it!
BLUETOOTH CONNECTIVITY
Connect it to external bluetooth speakers for great sound!

RESPONSIVE
The music moves with you as you move with your partner
ADJUSTABLE SENSITIVITY
From soft to hard beds we have you covered!
SIMPLY AMAZING
BEDBEATS is the world’s most advanced bedroom music app, using the incredible new capabilities in phones to maximize your together time.

BEST APP, EVER
We don’t claim ‘world’s most advanced bedroom music app’ for nothing. BEDBEATS is stocked full of high-quality custom music that ebbs and flows as you move. Finally, a DJ for between the sheets.

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2 Comments

  1. No! No! nonononononnonno! I actually yelled out loud. Thankfully I was downstairs with my laptop and not looking at the ol’ VC with my phone, because I wouldn’t relish explaining *that* to the company I was with. gugugugugug!

    1. You’re downstairs with the laptop, meanwhile the company is upstairs trying to get the phone positioned juuuuuuuuust right…

      No, even I can’t believe I just did that.  I’ll go now.

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