Next Time I’ll Kick You In The Bag

I’m not going to say I don’t understand the impulse because there isn’t much worse than finding your bread or eggs down at the bottom of a bag full of heavy shit, but it is important at times like those to do our best to act like a big boy and deal with the situation calmly and rationally. Don’t choke out the grocery kid, in other words.

According to Fairview Township Police, Bradley Bower was shopping with his wife at a Giant Food Store on Feb. 2 when he allegedly attacked the cashier for the way the clerk was handling his groceries.

Police noted in a criminal complaint that Bower explained to officers he had asked the clerk not to “throw his groceries around.” The man said he had several bags of chips and “didn’t want them to get all smashed up.”

Bower told police the cashier then proceeded to place the chips in the same bag as the canned goods the man had purchased, and the clerk was “smashing the chips.” The man said he asked the cashier to stop bagging his items in that manner.

The victim told police Bower had paid for his groceries and while he was walking away he turned and asked him: “Do you have a problem with me? Because I have a problem with you.”
The victim told officers he thought Bower was kidding and replied to the man: “Do you?”
That’s when police said Bower attacked the cashier, grabbing him around the neck and shoving the clerk against the cash register, while calling the victim an “idiot.”

Bower, who has been charged with simple assault, told police that he knew what he did was wrong, but that he was having a bad day and that “this issue with the chips just sent him over the edge.”

Dude. You’re still in the store. If they’re really jacked up, ask for new ones. You’re in the perfect place to do that if you’d just think for a second (see boy, big). I never discover this shit until I’m already back home. At that point I’m not going out again and the time for fighting has passed. I’m stuck sadly eating crusheds when all I want is chips and justice. You aren’t. Next time, make the most of the oh so rare opportunity you’ve been given to make things right. Right now, I think a lot of us are very, very disappointed in you. I know I am.

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