*My wife asked me if she was the only one I’d been with. I said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
*I just got a copy of Steven Tyler’s new Chinese cookbook. Wok this way.
*I went to my hairdresser and said, “Can you cut my hair like David Bowie?”
He made a right mess of it. I said, “This is terrible!”
He said, “Yeah, but David Bowie can’t cut hair…”
*News : ’74 Year Old Man Clubbed To Death’.
Wow, what a party animal!
*Q: Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?
A: Because he’s married.
*Q: What is a wolf’s favourite metal?
*Me: I’m terrified of random letters.
Psychiatrist: Oh, are you?
Psychiatrist: Oh I see.
*How did people first figure out that it was cicadas that make that noise? I could see that taking a long time. I bet there was like a thousand years where people were like, ‘Yeah, the trees are screaming. They do that in the summer.’
*Q: What’d The Seven Dwarfs say when Snow White woke up from her deep sleep?
A: “I guess it’s back to jerking off.”
*Q: What’d the Chinese kid name his pet lion?
*They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Turns out the parents of that cerebral palsy kid on my street strongly disagree.