Last Updated on: 30th November 2019, 03:06 pm
A story like this one raises so many questions.
Who has this much shit on hand at any given time? Is it all his? What is he eating? If it’s not his, where is he getting it? Friends and family? Do they know he’s taking it? Is he a sewage worker having a bad week? Is he using GoDungMe to collect donations? Would GoDungMe be a viable business idea?
At any rate, police in Toronto have arrested a fella who has spent the last few days dumping big buckets of what appears to be the back door biscuits of some one or some thing on unsuspecting citizens (Shitizens?).
The first incident took place Nov. 22, when Opoku allegedly entered the University of Toronto’s John P. Robarts Research Library and poured a bucket of crap on a man and a woman.
An eyewitness told CityNews a “concentrated feces-like smell” overpowered the room.
On Nov 22, Opoku allegedly carried out a similar malodorous assault, dumping feces on a woman and man at York University’s Scott Library. Security photos from York show Opoku smiling as he carries what appears to be a bucket.
On Monday night, Opoku allegedly hurled liquefied feces on a woman outside of U of T’s St. George campus.
Police say they’ve sent contents from one of the buckets for forensic testing to make sure that it really is what they think it is, and that they have charged Samuel Opoku, 23, with five counts each of assault with a weapon and mischief interfere with property. Whether the property being interfered with was the buildings, anything being worn by the victims, the buckets or the shit itself was not specified.
His name is so close to Oh-PooPoo that it’s uncanny, really. Also, the fact that he was witnessed “running away giggling” is astoundingly hilarious. I wish I had of thought of this back in high school! Dammit!
Seriously. I checked his name like 3 times to make sure it didn’t have poo in it. I was so sad every time it didn’t.