Look At This Stupid Ass Video About What’s Supposed To Be A Smart Light Bulb

Not that any of you were curious or anything, but all you need to know about why no house of mine will ever have smart light bulbs as long as the choice is mine to make can be found right here.

Yes, that really is a three minute video about how to factory reset a fucking light bulb. I was absolutely seething by about the 40 second mark, for the record.

Also for the record, the words “light bulb” and “firmware” do not belong in the same sentence unless the words “this”, “does”, “not”, and “require” are also contained therein. It’s a light bulb. You stick it in the socket, you turn it on and off by hand as needed like a grown ass human being until it burns out, you replace it with a new one. That’s it. If you want me to change my mind, get back to me when you can explain everything in a way that sounds nothing like this.

Use the first reset sequence if:

Your bulbs are running on firmware version 2.8 or later (you can find your bulb firmware version by tapping on the device in your C by GE app).
We recommend counting with Mississippi (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, etc.).

Start with your bulb off for at least 5 seconds.
1. Turn on for 8 seconds
2. Turn off for 2 seconds
3. Turn on for 8 seconds
4. Turn off for 2 seconds
5. Turn on for 8 seconds
6. Turn off for 2 seconds
7. Turn on for 8 seconds
8. Turn off for 2 seconds
9. Turn on for 8 seconds
10. Turn off for 2 seconds
11. Turn on
Bulb will flash on and off 3 times if it has been successfully reset.

If the factory reset above was unsuccessful, you might have an older version of the C by GE bulb. Please follow the instructions below to reset.

Bulb Reset Sequence – for firmware version 2.7 or earlier:
We recommend counting with Mississippi (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, etc.).

Start with your bulb off for at least 5 seconds.
1. Turn on for 8 seconds
2. Turn off for 2 seconds
3. Turn on for 2 seconds
4. Power off for 2 seconds
5. Turn on for 2 seconds
6. Power off for 2 seconds
7. Turn on for 2 seconds
8. Power off for 2 seconds
9. Turn on for 8 seconds
10. Power off for 2 seconds
11. Turn on for 8 seconds
12. Power off for 2 seconds
13. Turn on
Bulb will flash on and off 3 times if it has been successfully reset.

Need assistance? Call the C by GE Customer Service Hotline at 1-844-30C-BYGE (1-844-302-2943), or email help@cbyge.com.

Ahh Christ. I just saw the line about needing assistance in the context of a light bulb and now I’m all upset again. If anyone needs me, I’ll be trying not to break things. Especially not any of the few good light bulbs we still have around here.

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