There’s A Whitewater Rapids Joke In Here Somewhere

Another dude has been caught slipping his baby mayo into the drink of an unsuspecting woman, but this time it’s not because he was trying to win her affection.

Robert Tyson, 63, was found guilty last year of twice doing the deed to the water mug of a coworker he was having issues with. He doesn’t have to serve any jail time, but will instead spend a year on probation, undergo a mental health evaluation along with STD and HIV tests and perform 250 hours of community service, which hopefully don’t involve running a charity lemonade stand or something.

According to investigators, Tyson placed semen in a water mug used by the victim, who consumed some of the tainted liquid. The woman told police that as she was drinking from the mug, she “became aware of a distinct taste and smell” and “observed a white colored mucous substance floating atop the water.”
The victim also recalled an earlier instance when she “detected a strange taste” in her water and subsequently spotted a “white colored” substance atop the drink.

Tyson eventually wrote an email to the human resources department admitting he was responsible for at least one of the incidents. He wrote that he was “repulsed at the thought of my action,” and went on to say that “I put a couple of drops of semen in her water. Yes, semen. Why semen? Why put anything at all in there? I-DO-NOT-KNOW!!! I-JUST-DO-NOT-KNOW!!!”

He blamed the whole thing on exhaustion due to his work schedule, a problem he no longer has, at least not because of anything happening at this particular workplace.

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