The Watch Part Needs A Little Work

This item from a roundup of Ontario Provincial Police news releases amused my extremely over-tired brain just now, so here you go.

On July 23 police were called to St. Williams, 30 kilometres southwest of Simcoe, after two Neighbourhood Watch signs posted in the community were stolen.
“The signs had been paid for by community members after several fundraising initiatives,” OPP said.
Anyone with information can call police at 1-888-310-1122.

And while we’re at it, I would really like to know more about these trees. Are they that close together or are we dealing with an extremely large person? Also, how many substances were involved in the creation of this predicament?

At 1 a.m. on July 18, police were told a person went missing at Pinery Provincial Park, near Grand Bend.
“Initial investigation revealed the person ran into the bush area and did not exit,” OPP said. Officers heard the person yelling for help. A police dog found the person stuck between two trees.
“Lambton OPP members assisted in removing the person from the two trees,” police said. They did not specify whether it was a man or a woman.

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