Space: The Pharma Frontier

You can tell that because we’re at home more, there’s more time for things on TV to seep into my subconscious. One day, I looked at Steve and said “So many names of drugs sound like things out of Star Trek!” I think he thought I was nuts, but he humoured me, and eventually I convinced him that it was true. Now, let me show you what I mean by writing what looks like a very bad excerpt from an episode of some Star Trek series and subbing in names of drugs in strategic places.

We are in orbit around Cymbalta to pick up some new Diovan ore for the warp core. We sent Humira and Stelara down to the surface. Unfortunately, the planet that we thought was uninhabited was actually recently settled by the Valsartan who were being supplied with arms by the Biktarvy and they did not want to give up their precious Diovan without asking for a lucrative trade deal. They also alluded to the idea that the Biktarvy had been equipping them with something even more powerful: genotropin torpedoes guided by the Trulicity guidance system. If any ship had the misfortune of being fired on by one of those, everyone on board would die a slow painful death.

We needed a skilled negotiator to get our crew back and hopefully work out a treaty with the Valsartan. Our only hope was to send a message via the Trintellix array. It had a long-range capacity that could reach all the way to the Marvelon system. Perhaps we could reach a skilled negotiator that could help us get through this.

Suddenly, there was a high concentration of Metformin particles detected. This could only mean one thing! Only one ship could generate such a large particle wave, and that was the USS Neulasta, Ambassador Vraylar’s ship! But we all thought Vraylar was working out a deal between the Synthroids and the Evra on Keytruda6, an isolated planet on the other side of the Jardiance nebula. We must hail him immediately.

“To what do we owe this great fortune that you happen to be in this area of the galaxy?” the captain asked.
“Well, the negotiations went extremely well, and both parties have entered into a tense ceasefire. It helped that the Klingons were in the area and felt it would be honourable to agree to protect the Evra if the Synthroids stepped out of line. I influenced them by planting the idea that this job would ensure their swift journey to Symbicort…”

I could go on and on, but you get my point, I hope. I’m starting to wonder if the people who name prescription drugs secretly love space-themed shows…or maybe I’ve been thinking about this too long. Either way, next time I need some new prescription, I’ll be trying to figure out if it sounds like an alien character, a species, a star system, a space phenomenon or a futuristic weapon. And after checking the spellings on all those drugs, google is wondering just how many diseases can one person have?

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3 Comments

    1. Yeah I kinda did, but when you said it, I kinda thought it fit. “So she’s going to try to go to Symbicort now?” “Hahahaha Symbicort! It’s actually Sto-vo-kor  but I know what you mean.”

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