I’m Jealous Of Patrick Swayze. He Doesn’t Have To Be Around To Listen To This

I think I might owe Colt Ford an apology. Jesus.

Is this supposed to be a satirical statement on the vapid nature of modern pop music? I hope so, because if it’s trying to be anything else, it only succeeds at being three minutes and 15 seconds of concentrated awful. If an autotuned Zac Brown not quite rapping and not quite singing about how he’s Patrick Swayze and not Tom Cruise, making 1980s movie references and saying the word “bitch” a bunch of times over a beat that might have been lifted directly from the toy keyboard I got for Christmas when I was 11 sounds like something you would enjoy this might be the song for you, but otherwise, woof. I honestly can’t remember the last time I heard music this bad. Maybe that creepy throat whistling guy that our friend Barb made me listen to last year, but besides him, nope.

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