Please, everyone. Do me a small favour.

The next time you find yourself needing to describe a fight in which you were involved, ask yourself a few questions before you get going.

  1. Am I playground equipment?
  2. Am I gym equipment (ropes, rings, etc)?
  3. Am I a tree?

If your answers to the above are no, then please keep in mind that it is extremely unlikely that anyone was “swinging on” you at any point. They “swung at” or “took a swing at” you, but I strongly doubt that you were pressed into service as monkey bars.

Related: If someone buys you a drink and tells you you look nice in that outfit, that person is “hitting on” you. If he hauls off and decks you in the gut, he simply “hit” you.

Also related: Why isn’t the past tense of hit either hat or hut? Come on, English. Your laziness confuses people.

These things have been bothering me lately, so thank you for your time and consideration.

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