The Pitch Is Inbound And It Misses For Bucket One

I take in most of my Blue Jays games on the radio, so I totally missed this Sportsnet postgame interview from the other night. Thank you, internet.

Sportsnet’s Hazel Mae was having a nice post game interview with Blue Jays’ Justin Smoak when Ryan Tepera attempt at drenching his teammate with a sports drink misses and goes all over Mae thus ending the interview.

Those are some pretty good mics to catch the SPLASH! so perfectly. Hopefully they still work.

And for the benefit of anyone who may not be up on their baseball, part of the reason this is so amusing is that Ryan Tepera is a pitcher. A pitcher who can generally locate a throw much better than this.

Pet Peeves

And now, here’s Gill with a word or three on ignorant dingisses.

Do you have a pet peeve? Maybe your someone who hates having to stand in line, or having to sit beside a screaming child on the airplane. My pet peeve, or at least one of them, is ignorant people who make decent folk look bad.

What Brought This On?

Last night I went in search of people the Warriors For Love could call out. In case your wondering WFL, Warriors For Love is a thing I started to curve, or at least try to curve the hate in the world.

What Did I See?

In the supposedly advanced year of 2017 a woman was screaming at the top of her lungs at a walk in clinic in Missisauga to see a “white doctor!` because her son was having chest pains. A brave individual caught the hate filled disaster on his phone, and uploaded this woman’s foolishness to youtube. The video soon went viral, and made news all over the world.

My Own Walk In Experience

For those readers out there who don’t know me, or don’t know me overly well, I am diabetic, and prone to chest colds and breathing issues. I took a nasty fall on November 30th 2012, literally ripping a chunk of skin out of one of my fingers. Being the all kinds of stubborn I am, I thought pretty much nothing of it until about three days later, when someone with full sight told me it looked rather infected. I knew, that could lead to a whole string of nasty if not looked at and soon, so the next day I hauled stubborn rump to my neighborhood urgent care.

A Frightening Reality

The doctor who saw me that evening looked at it, and grew concerned as there were tiny black spots popping up. He did what any good doctor would do, took the time to test my sugar, explain that it was good that I came at all, and gave me a script. There were two medicines, one was a cream to apply directly to the wound, and most frightening of all were pills, anti-gangrene ones.


The doctor, who happened to be Egyptian, saved my finger and probably my life. A doc is a doc, black, brown, or white, as long as they’re qualified that’s what counts.

The Devil Went Down To The Laundromat

Do you ever get fixated on the rhythm of something like a clock or a knocking engine or a washing machine and think to yourself man, I could put music to this? I do that all the time. Evidently so does this guy, but unlike me he’s ambitious and talented and as a result he made the video I never got around to.

If you can hold it together when the fiddle kicks in, you’re stronger than I.

The White Part Of The TV Is Acting Up Again

Since the whole world or at least what feels like it is talking about racism right now, I’m gonna leave this right here as a reminder that in spite of appearances and the best efforts of some, we have actually made progress. There once was a time when it was perfectly acceptable to run commercials like this on television.

That’s…not good.

It does sport a pretty catchy tune though I must say, and I’m not afraid to admit that the bit about reservations made me laugh a little.

Anyway, let’s all try to get along and love each other a little more, and maybe not elect bigoted dimwit celebrities who are qualified to do exactly 0 things to important public offices in the future, whatdaya think?

I Meant To Say That! It’s An Obscure Play By The Great Tennessee Wieners!

Maybe the blind kid isn’t the first one who should be making fun of folks for sucking at Wheel of Fortune, but come on, Kevin! I won’t blame you for not seeing the play (I haven’t either), but all you needed was one letter, man! One! Stinkin’! Letter! I’m going to sit here and imagine that you were in a years long coma and woke up just in time to go on the show, because if I don’t do that I’m gonna go nuts.

Oh and Pat, if you’re serious, I suggest the New York Subway system. I hear a lot of that goes on there, and it’s definitely cheaper than theatre tickets.

If We Add An Extra L He’ll Be Extra Good At It

I can only theorize that if you look at your newborn son and say to yourself “he looks like a Fellony,” either you already know you don’t like him or that you have insights about the future the rest of us don’t. And considering how things have been going for Fellony with two Ls Hudson, option two seems like a good place to put the smart money. Good call, mom and dad.

Gresham police said the incident began around 7:30 p.m. Tuesday when a caller reported seeing a man hit a woman in a vehicle that was driving recklessly northbound on C Street in Vancouver.
The witness told police the driver seemed high on drugs. The witness said the vehicle was a Dodge Caliber with Oregon license plates.
Police ran the licenses plate number and determined the vehicle was stolen out of Portland about a week ago.
A probable cause affidavit says a Vancouver police officer attempted to stop the vehicle by activating his overhead lights and sirens. Police said the vehicle slowed, but there appeared to be a physical struggle between the driver and the passenger before the vehicle continued driving.
Police reported in the document that the passenger opened the vehicle door and tried to jump from the moving vehicle four times.
The driver, later identified as Fellony Edward Hudson, would grab her, pull her toward him and close the door each time.
Police said this happened while Hudson drove at speeds of 50 to 80 miles per hour.
Authorities pursued the suspect Hudson onto Interstate 84.
When Gresham police joined the pursuit, there were already 10 vehicles pursuing the suspect in the car, police said.
Police said Hudson got out of the car on SE Stark Street and started running north. Officers caught up with him in the parking lot of the Weston Car Dealership and took him into custody.

All of that, according to the police department, is good for felony with one L charges of kidnapping, assault, possession of a stolen vehicle, attempt to elude by vehicle, reckless driving, DUII(driving under the influence of intoxicants), and attempt to elude on foot.

Hudson, who told police that the reason he didn’t stop was because the cops are “known to kill people,” was found by a drug recognition expert to be under the influence of both meth and heroin at the time. A surefire path toward continuing to live up to his birth certificate, that.

April Fool’s And Carving Tools

You know how somebody pulls an April Fool’s joke on you and then when you figure it out you’re like “oh piss off, dude” and then maybe you all have a chuckle? Some folks aren’t much for chuckling, it turns out.

Young Mr. Tom Rogers at Kaufman Texas was itching to get off a first-class April fool joke. He went to Dr. Mosley’s office and wrote an order on the slate for the doctor to go three miles in the country to see a young lady who was critically ill. Of course the doctor suspected nothing when he read his slate. It never occurred to him that anyone would trick him about such a serious matter. He rode out to see his patient and found that he had been made the victim of a cruel hoax. When he returned to Kaufman he was boiling with rage. He ascertained that Rogers was responsible for the joke, and meeting the young man he at once attacked him with a knife. The doctor was furious and showed no mercy. He stabbed Rogers repeatedly in the face, neck and body, and did not let up until he had inflicted several fatal wounds.
Such a butchery was not justified by the provocation, but Rogers brought his punishment upon himself. His idiotic little joke was well calculated to provoke wrath, and the man who without just cause makes his neighbor angry should stand the consequences. If Kaufman could get rid of all its foolish April fool jokers the community would be better off.
[April 5, 1886 – Atlanta Constitution in Georgia]

This, as you may have figured, comes from another roundup of insane April Fool’s pranks from the 1800s similar to ones we’ve previously covered.

By the way, am I the only one who finds it almost as crazy as the stabbing itself that the newspaper seems to be advocating this sort of thing? That last bit reads an awful lot like he shouldn’t have killed the guy but we’re glad he did to me.

So Long To Adobe Flash, One Of The Best Worst Things About The Internet

I realize this news isn’t exactly breaking, but there are only so many times you get to celebrate the death of something as goddamned irritating as Adobe Flash, sooooo…

Adobe Systems Inc.’s Flash, a once-ubiquitous technology used to power most of the media content found online, will be retired at the end of 2020, the software company announced Tuesday.
Adobe, along with partners Apple Inc, Microsoft Corp, Alphabet Inc’s Google, Facebook Inc and Mozilla Corp, said support for Flash will ramp down across the internet in phases over the next three years.

After 2020, Adobe will stop releasing updates for Flash and web browsers will no longer support it. The companies are encouraging developers to migrate their software onto modern programming standards.

To be fair, Flash wasn’t all bad. I think it’s safe to say that without it, the internet would be a drastically different place. YouTube, for instance, absolutely would not be what it is today had Flash not been around in 2005. For that reason, it deserves to be celebrated as the groundbreaking innovation it so clearly was.

But at the same time as it has absolutely been critically important to the evolution of the web as we know it, it’s also been responsible for some of the most frustrating, screenreader inaccessible user experiences in the history of the fucking earth. Ucking ear, reenreader periencfucking earth.

Sorry, most of you. That’s a little humour for any of my fellow screenreader users who have ever been caught in bouncing Flash animation hell while just trying to read a frigging webpage, a group I like to call all of us. And it is for that reason, not to mention the button button button button flash movie start flash movie end phenomenon and the countless dangerous security flaws it’s responsible for that it deserves to be thrown into a pit far underneath hell, never to return.

Good riddance and thank you all at once, you brilliant piece of garbage you.

The Fondling Is A Value-Added Service, But If You Don’t Want It You Can Squish Your Ass In Here

You have a problem with guys boarding airplanes and forgetting the old preschool lesson about keeping their hands to themselves. Do you:
A: Ignore it and hope it goes away because how bad can it be, really? The media often overblows things.
B: Remind everyone over the loudspeaker during the announcements that it’s not ok to be a gropey piece of shit?
C: Make a small, women who don’t want to be touched only section in the cheap seats so that the real problem doesn’t have to change its behaviour?

Following several instances of reported harassment on their flights, Air India is implementing a plan to mark two rows on every flight as “women only.”
The Hindu reports that there will be no additional fee for booking one of the special seats set aside for female passengers, though there aren’t very many:
“We will be reserving the third row — six seats — in the economy class of the aircraft for female passengers travelling alone,” said Air India general manager-revenue management Meenakshi Malik. “We feel, as national carriers, it is our responsibility to enhance comfort level to female passengers. There are a lot of female passengers who travel alone with us and we will be blocking a few seats for them.”