Next Up, The Shocking Revelation That Drowning Puppies For Fun Is Looked Down Upon

People sometimes ask me “Steve, why are you so hard on the world?” And I say to those people “listen, if you can look at something such asthisas a cutting edge breakthrough for the medical profession then go right ahead, but I prefer to look at it as the utter pile of ignorant bullshit that …

Do You Believe In Magic?

If you’re contemplating holding a protest during the Beijing Olympics and honestly, who isn’t, don’t forget that the official rules as set forth by the Olympic organizing committee state that you mustapply 5 days in advance for approval to use one of the area’s 3 designated demonstration sites.And if you have even half a mind …

Nobody’s That Forgetful, Just That Stupid

Dallas company Baby Alert International has started selling a device they say will make it easier for busy parents to remember not to leave their children in sweltering cars. The unit, marketed as theChild Minder System,is necessary because “All of our lives are so busy,” and “we get distracted and we forget something.” It also …

Warning: The Following Post Was Not Subject To Security Screening. Please Proceed With Caution

I knew it would only be a matter of time before this debate got started. In the wake ofthe Greyhound murderlast week, there have beencallsfor the introduction of security checks, the emphasis being on metal detectors that people must pass through before they’re allowed to board a bus. The idea seems to be picking up …

>Not Even The Double Dog Kind Can Explain This

>A family from Vancouver recently returned home from vacation, only to find the house massively damaged by flooding. The cause?Some asshole stuck their garden hose through the mail slot in the front door and turned it on.Reports say that it was allowed to run for an entire day before somebody noticed what was happening and …

So We’re All Doomed Then?

New Cell Phone Risks Cause Panic Among Assholes A new medical report showing that excessive cell phone use may increase the risk of cancer has sparked widespread fear among the nation’s assholes, prominent assholes confirmed today. For years, America’s assholes have talked relentlessly on their cell phones — while waiting on supermarket lines, sitting on …

Give Yourself A Robot Hand

Ever find yourself in the mood to jerk off but not in the mood for all of that pesky physical effort? Is your favourite hand broken and you’re not good at switch hitting? Do you have a spare 60 bucks lying around that you wouldn’t mind dropping on useless crap? If you answered yes to …