Guess I Don’t Have To Tell You To Spread ‘Em

Haven’t had a good old fashioned dumb ass public sex story in a while. This’ll work. Cops say that Gary Hill and Crystal Frances had shared a pint of vodka before they began trysting in public. Cops learned about the coupling around 9 PM from a female passerby who reported that a duo was poised […]

Man, It’s Like A Parking Lot Out Here

You ever hear the expression go big or go home? Well, hitting 47 cars while you’re out on the town definitely qualifies as going big, but Christopher Paolissi clearly should have gone home. Maybe should never have left there, actually. Paolissi was arrested Tuesday afternoon near the intersection of Elmwood and Lexington avenues, after Lt. […]

Take This Whiskey, Mr. President. It’s Great Whiskey. The Best Whiskey

I can’t say I fully understand the thought process here because Trump has said many times that he doesn’t drink, but the wife bit does make some sense. He has had three of them, after all. Clearly he knows something about the subject. Then again I’m sure being a pretend billionaire/successful businessman probably had a […]

If I’m Not Back In Five Minutes, I’m Probably In The Tank

Update: Carin tells me this needs a soundtrack. She’s right. Police in Lincoln, Neb., took a man into custody Saturday after he smashed a car into a tree and a retaining wall while driving with his head out of the window “like Ace Ventura.” The driver “informed officers that he crashed because of inoperable windshield […]

I Can’t Wait To See My Old Flame…And Then Piss It Out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nZ9IdN53AE A friendly chap by the name of Michael Allen Haag seems to have had himself quite the time during a recent plane ride from Denver to Charleston, according to reports. The people around him? Probably not so much. Witnesses gave an FBI agent these accounts of a harrowing flight from Denver on Thursday night, […]

It’s One, Two Hit-And-Runs And You’re Out AT The Old Ball Game

We live in a world where not everything is just and not everyone gets justice. But many times there is justice, even if sometimes that justice takes half a century and is kind of cold-hearted and weird. In 1968, Douglas Parkhurst killed 4-year-old Carolee Ashby in a hit-and-run, or at least he’s pretty sure he […]

Bottle Of Wine, Fruit Of The Vine. Who Am I Gonna Have To Run Over

You know how it is. It’s morning, you’re hammered, and gosh darn it, you’re plumb out of refreshments. What to do…what to do? You could call it a night, of course. How are you going to do it all again this afternoon if you don’t sleep now, right? But if you feel you absolutely must […]