What Kind Of Clown Comes Up With A Story Like That?

There is exactly one believable thing about the story Philip Moreton told when caught trying to smuggle a cell phone into a maximum security prison via drone. I bet he really did drink that litre of vodka. The 33-year-old was heard rustling in the undergrowth after prison officers chased the 70mph drone away from the […]

This Bud’s For You. This Warrant? Not So Much

Good on Billy Bob Hall for doing the right thing and turning himself in to police so that he could take care of his warrants. But perhaps before he started in on the liquid courage, he should have made sure those warrants existed. They didn’t. Billy Bob Hall, 59, thought he was the subject of […]

If Anybody’s Going To Put A Stick To Someone Here It’s Going To Be Us, Said The Cops

I realize the answer is that I really don’t want to know, but I do sometimes wish I knew what went through people’s minds when these sorts of decisions are made. After being stopped by police for riding bikes with no lights, almost getting themselves hit while crossing a street and subsequently refusing to take […]

Guess I Don’t Have To Tell You To Spread ‘Em

Haven’t had a good old fashioned dumb ass public sex story in a while. This’ll work. Cops say that Gary Hill and Crystal Frances had shared a pint of vodka before they began trysting in public. Cops learned about the coupling around 9 PM from a female passerby who reported that a duo was poised […]

Man, It’s Like A Parking Lot Out Here

You ever hear the expression go big or go home? Well, hitting 47 cars while you’re out on the town definitely qualifies as going big, but Christopher Paolissi clearly should have gone home. Maybe should never have left there, actually. Paolissi was arrested Tuesday afternoon near the intersection of Elmwood and Lexington avenues, after Lt. […]

Take This Whiskey, Mr. President. It’s Great Whiskey. The Best Whiskey

I can’t say I fully understand the thought process here because Trump has said many times that he doesn’t drink, but the wife bit does make some sense. He has had three of them, after all. Clearly he knows something about the subject. Then again I’m sure being a pretend billionaire/successful businessman probably had a […]

If I’m Not Back In Five Minutes, I’m Probably In The Tank

Update: Carin tells me this needs a soundtrack. She’s right. Police in Lincoln, Neb., took a man into custody Saturday after he smashed a car into a tree and a retaining wall while driving with his head out of the window “like Ace Ventura.” The driver “informed officers that he crashed because of inoperable windshield […]