Sour Dispatch Kids

I have so many questions, and I’m pretty sure the answers to all of them are alcohol and Florida. A “heavily intoxicated” Florida Man was arrested Saturday night for calling 911 to report that his girlfriend “wished to eat Sour Patch Kids” according to police. An arrest affidavit does not reveal why Joshua Larson, 37, …

Well Boys, Have I Got A Deal For You!

The story itself is a bit old, but the idea of drive drunk, damage car, head to dealership and attempt to sell damaged car is new to me. Officers say the calls started coming in around 4:40 p.m. Monday. They say witnesses reported seeing a SUV hit the median of the Lloyd Expressway near the …

Let’s Get Together…For a Breath Test

You’ll never guess what a woman who handed the cops an LCBO gift card instead of her driver’s licence during a traffic stop was arrested for. Either that or it’ll be about as easy as the collar itself. Who can say? An Orangeville-area female was arrested for impaired driving in Guelph Friday morning after handing …

Don’t Make Me Tell You Again Again

Male with two lifetime driving bans caught driving again, say police Just going to go ahead and ask the obvious question here. How is it possible to be banned for life from the same thing twice? But perhaps more importantly, why? What good is it doing? Clearly not much. Let’s think about this a moment. …

It’s Daddy Daughter Day Down At The Courthouse

Yup, this’ll totally work. Won’t look suspicious at all. Daddy’s got you covered. According to the Washington County Sheriff’s Office, around 3:13 a.m. on Friday, Dec. 31, a deputy observed two vehicles traveling “unusually close together” on I-41 southbound near State Highway 33. The deputy noticed the lead driver was continuously swerving, driving half on …

The Drunk Tank Was Cheaper, But Not Nearly As Roomy

I’m not sure I ever want to be this drunk. But staying in a hotel that could be mistaken for the Romanian presidential palace might be pretty ok. Police said the Irish citizen jumped over a fence and escaped from the Defence and Protection Service after breaking a window to get into the palace. The …

Good Luck In Life, Kid. I’d Say Break A Leg, But…

Reading this, my mind goes back and forth between two thoughts. As someone who grew up around my share of irresponsible drunks, I kind of hope this motherfucker never drives or sees his kid again. But the way that Canada and the U.S. treat these things, I imagine he’s already doing both regularly. As someone …