Whatever substances Gregory Matthew Bruni may have been on, he can have ‘em. I want no part of anything that would cause me to spend my evening the way he did.

Let’s Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:
1.Got naked, climbed onto the Lands’ roof.

2.Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.

When they say jumping on, they mean from the roof.

3.Ran into Lands’ house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.

4.Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.

5.Masturbated in the living room.

Keep in mind that this is happening chronologically, so this fellow did indeed get shot at and then pull out his own gun in response, if you will.

6.Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands’ son’s room.

7.Defecated on the floor in two places.

8.Drank the contents of the vacuum.

Well, all that craziness would surely make a guy thirsty, I’d think. It was noted, however, that after drinking the wet dry vac juice off the floor, he did spit it out again. He’s not crazy.

Police arrived and managed to take him into custody. Next, they planned to take him to hospital for tests to determine what could potentially be influencing his behaviour. They also charged him with a slew of offenses, including criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

Anything I could say beyond this point would add about nothing to what you’ve already red, so I’m just going to go ahead and check on the meatloaf. No, that’s not a euphemism for acts similar to those committed by young Gregory here.

If for some reason your regular perfume isn’t doing it for you anymore, you may but probably may not want to give one of these 16 Strangest Perfumes & Colognes in the World a try.

I’ve seen a few of these before and there’s even a post about one of them, but there’s quite a bit of new ground covered here.

Of the ones that are new to me, I’m pretty sure the who in the good hell would want to wear that award goes to something called Sécrétions Magnifiques, which is supposed to smell like a mix of blood, semen, sweat and saliva. Slap that on and you’ll be beating the wood be lovers off with a stick, I’m sure. Or maybe you have to be the type who beats your wood be lovers with sticks to even consider this, I don’t know.

A while ago I kind of went off about the world’s ridiculous bacon obsession and how out of hand it’s gotten. I stand by what I said, but had I only known what was to come I’d have saved saying it for sometime like…now. Yes, now seems like a good time.

That is indeed a real instruction set complete with photos guiding you through the process of making your very own bacon jello. I realize this is part art project, but the idea is for it to be completely edible and for people to eat it. I’ll award a few points for creativity, but it still seems like an awful lot of work to put into producing something that’s likely going to taste like a most horrendous kind of crap.

Bacon jello.  Yes, it’s bacon-flavored jello that looks like you’re slicing into a nice, thick slab of home-cured bacon.  Think of it less as dessert, and more as a surprisingly edible piece of concept art.  This jello has a dairy base flavored with bacon (of course!), a mix of maple syrup and flamed and reduced Calvados, and applewood smoke.

Want to get fancy?  Do this again, but change up the flavorings: breakfast (bacon, eggs, and toast layers), a BLT (obvious), or your own favorite bacon-based flavor combination.

When I saw the title of the story This Edible Lamp Is Actually Good Enough to Eat, I was struck by one very simple question. Why am I wanting to eat a lamp? The thought had never crossed my mind, and now that it has, I’m in serious need of a way to make it unhappen.

“When the lamp is no longer useful or desired, the lighting strip is removed and the lamp may be eaten or thrown into the garden as compost.”
The lamp’s LED light source attaches to the main frame using adhesive plastic strips, and power is supplied along laser-cut metal lines from either mains or a computer. In order to eat it the electrical components must be removed, before the lamp itself is cleaned and then submerged in pure water for an hour so that it can soften up.
“The consistency after soaking the lamp in water for an hour is like wet Gummy Bears,” explains Vetterlein.

Mmmmmmm.

It comes in four wet gummy flavours, because the kind of person who’s going to chow down on a lamp is probably going to be picky about his food choices. There’s orange, cherry, blueberry and apple. What, it doesn’t come in lamp?

If you’re looking for one of these, you’re after something called Bite Me. Funny, that sounds similar to what I’d say to anyone who suggests I eat a lamp.

I can’t remember if I’ve asked this here or just on Twitter, but I’d love for somebody to please explain to me the fascination with adding bacon to everything. And I’m sorry, but “because it’s bacon and bacon is awesome” isn’t good enough to fly.

I like bacon. I had some today. It is, in fact, pretty awesome sometimes. But we’re getting carried away with it. Chocolate bacon? Bacon lip balm? Bacon shaving cream? Do we really need these things? Is there a crowd of voices crying out for bacon cologne and I just can’t hear them?

Why in the name of tap dancin’ Jesus on a merry-go-round would you want to smell like bacon all the time? Once you’ve cooked and eaten the bacon, that’s where the happy bacon smell ends. You know what it’s like when you’ve cooked bacon, and then for hours your whole house and your clothes smell like something resembling bacon and no matter what you do you can’t get it out? It’s awful! I hate that! The worst part of cooking bacon is smelling like bacon. The only thing more hideous is smelling other people who smell like they’ve cooked bacon and then gone out in the sun. BOacon? Who would want to smell like that all day long?

And why must now these bacon people ruin the most perfect of food creations, the apple pie? Yes, I think this is what finally sent me completely over the edge on the bacon issue.

That link leads to a recipe for what sounds like a pretty nice apple pie…with a fucking bacon lattice top on it. Why? Just why? I literally felt sick when I read it and still do each time I think about it, as in my stomach feels like it’s doing skateboard tricks.

Please, enough! Just stop! I don’t want to hate bacon, but the world’s obsession with it is making it ever harder for me to enjoy it. It might have been cute or a novelty at first, but it’s not funny anymore.

Note: I know I’m going to be roundly ignored and the insanity will continue, but at least I feel better for having said it.

Well, doesn’t this just swell the Olympic pride and make the old heart overflow with joy.

Cleaners at the Olympic Park are being housed ten to a room at a huge temporary compound.

The campsite in East London, hidden from public view, has 25 people sharing each toilet and 75 to each shower.

They sleep in portable cabins, some of which have been leaking in the rain.

And the bad weather has left the site flooded with stagnant water, forcing them to use abandoned crates as makeshift ‘stepping stones’ to move around the site.

Hundreds have come from abroad to work at the Olympics despite promises that the jobs would go to Londoners.

On arrival, some were horrified to be told there was no work for two weeks. But despite this, they were made to pay the cleaning company £18 a day in ‘rent’ to sleep in the overcrowded metal cabins, which works out at more than £550 a month.

Others who had come to the UK desperate for the jobs turned back, describing  the camp as ‘horrible’, with showers and toilets ‘filthy’ from over-use.

Of course there’s more, including the part where the people who stay are being forced to sign gag orders preventing them from talking to the press. Hmm, wonder why that could be. Oh, and no visits from family and friends for you. This is for security reasons, naturally. The security of whom was not reported.
Ten to a room and one shower for 75 people: Inside the ‘slum’ camp for Olympic cleaners

I just finished a really nice dinner, and this is about the furthest thing from what I needed to see.

Burger King wants to lure customers this summer with a barbecue party — and a bacon sundae.

The world’s second biggest hamburger chain on Thursday is launching several pork, beef and chicken sandwiches as limited time offers. And for a sweet ending, the company is also offering a bacon sundae — vanilla soft serve with fudge, caramel, bacon crumbles and a piece of bacon — that started in Nashville, Tenn. earlier this year.

The salty-sweet dessert clocks in at 510 calories, 18 grams of fat and 61 grams of sugar.

The calorie and sugar counts are fine and dandy, but what does it measure in buh-fucking-arf units? Jesus!

Thank you Amanda for ruining my day, my week and my quite a long time after that with this, which I sure as hell hope turns out to be some kind of weird hoax.

In what’s being called an attempt to raise awareness of sexual minorities, an artist from Japan cooked up a ballsack buffet and served it to what can only be described as crazy people. Who’s pecker did he prepare, you may wonder. Um…well…his own!

ao Sugiyama, 22, had his genitals removed in early April. They were initially frozen, then defrosted and cooked for customers at an event on April 13.

Sugiyama charged diners 20,000 yen ($250) for the dish. He cooked the genitals himself, under the supervision of a professional chef.

Diners were required to sign a waiver releasing Sugiyama and the event organizers from any liability arising from eating the genitals.

As if that’s not enough, he also wanted to serve up his nipples, but his attempt to burn them off with Sodium hydroxide was unsuccessful.

Even as I’m writing this I can’t help but think I’m being had, but a little more digging has unearthed this more detailed story from the AFP. the dates are different, but there are comments from police and the man(?) himself, pulled from his Twitter and email.

And just in case you want to hear more about what was served, here ya go. No, I don’t care if you want to hear more or not. I had to, so you’re suffering along.

Diners paid 20,000 yen ($250) for the plate with a portion of genitals. Pictures published on a website appeared to show the meal came complete with mushrooms and a parsley garnish.

The painter, who is reportedly 22, said on Twitter the organ had been removed by a physician and certified to be free of infections.

How is this legal? Why are people not being arrested left and right for cooking and eating the left and the right? Well, there appears to be no law against cannibalism in Japan, so the cops are content to just let it go without looking into it.

Oh, how I wish I was as smart as those cops.

>I heard about this last week and have been trying to keep myself from machine gunning harf pellets out my mouth and nose ever since.

Pizza Hut is unleashing a horrid sounding concoction on the people of the United Kingdom. People who, aside from being responsible for some astoundingly head slappingly ridoncubonk health and safety regulations, have to my knowledge done nothing to deserve it. Speaking of those crazy health and safety folks, where are they now when the citizenry could truly use them to prevent the disaster that is the new Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza?

“Succulent hot dog sausage bursting from our famous stuffed crust, with a FREE Mustard Drizzle” is how Pizza Hut is choosing to spin this culinary atrocity into sounding remotely food-like. They had me at Suck, but they lost me with this ulent business.

There are no plans currently to sell this in North America, which is honestly a surprise considering the kinds of things we’ll put in our bodies for a price. But if you are in the UK and want to give it a go, A: it’s been lovely knowing you and B: it only seems to come in one size, 14 inches. I’m sure some of you have dreamed of having a 14-inch hot dog in your mouth, but this certainly won’t be like you imagined it.

Ok, I need to go now. I can feel the machine gun starting to reload.

>I have no idea how I’m going to tag this thing, but I still must share the impressive tale of the crime spree of William Todd.

Nobody knows why he decided to hop on a Greyhound bus to Nashville, but he sure made a day of it. In about 9 hours, Todd is believed to have committed more than 10 felonies.

He started by breaking into a business called the Slaughterhouse. He helped himself to a Taser, a revolver, a shotgun and a T-shirt before shooting the place up and burning it to the ground.

He then happened to run into 4 people on their way out of a bar. He held them at gunpoint, tased one, pistol whipped another and stole their money and credit cards.

All this work would surely make a man hungry, so Todd carjacked a taxi at gunpoint and headed off to buy some food with his new plastic.

All filled up and ready to go again, Todd’s next stop was a Walmart where he spent $199 of somebody else’s money.

At 6 a.m., he made his way to the Hotel Indigo. While there, he decided to swerve off the simple robbery path and pay tribute to some of the stranger folks who have found their way onto these pages over the years. He broke into a law office, ransacked it, then took a dump on a desk and spread some of it on a few framed law degrees.

With that load off his mind, it was time to make some more money.

Todd knocked on several hotel room doors. He pretended to be a female member of the housekeeping staff to gain entry, but would then rob the occupants at gunpoint. During at least one of these heists, he is said to have cried the entire time.

Now when you’ve caused as much trouble as Todd had up to this point, it’s logical to think that perhaps the cops are on your trail. So…time for a disguise. Shaving his head fit the bill, so that’s what he did before heading out on another adventure in his stolen cab.

That adventure, it turns out, was crashing the vehicle into a parking garage.

Uh-oh, now how’s he supposed to get around?

After an hour and a half of pondering this predicament, he decided to hail a new cab and head for Opryland. Once there, he held the driver at knifepoint because hey, why not?

And it’s at this point that things came to an end.

Police finally caught up with Todd, who was hiding out on top of Opryland. But he wasn’t just hanging out on the roof, o no. He had taken shelter in a water-cooling vat, submerged up to his nose.

He’s been charged with 11 felonies, and that could just be the beginning of his trouble. According to police, he’s also wanted by the State of Kentucky, but presumably not for anything this out there.

If there’s ever been a case like this before, I don’t think I’ve seen it. Talk about making the most out of your life of crime.