He Sees You When You’re Sleeping, He Knows When You’re Awake, But He Didn’t See That Light Pole, So His Leg Now Has A Break

If Santa has a harder time than usual getting down your chimney this Christmas, this might be why.

Gerard Krokus, an experienced skydiver, was helping Santa deliver the Elf named Kristoff to a nine-year-old girl while flying in toys to the Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament on Saturday. 
In the video you can see Krokus with a parachute above him coming in to deliver the toys, before his speed picks up and he crashes into a tree and a light pole near the sand volleyball courts.

the pole gave him a broken leg for Christmas, but it apparently didn’t stop him from taking a few pictures before heading to the hospital to get it fixed.

There is a GoFundMe to help pay his medical bills, since I guess the North Pole hasn’t gotten around to figuring out the whole universal healthcare thing just yet.

It Used To Be Fun

Gill doesn’t seem to be feeling Christmas this year. I’ve been there, though for different reasons.

Some of my favorite memories are coming downstairs Christmas morning and sitting by the fire to open the stockings. Other favorite moments involve sitting in the living room of my family’s 100 year old farmhouse hot chocolate, or in later years a coffee at my side opening gifts and having laughs and joy.

When The Fun Stopped

Having a disability meant having to collect money from the government, and being on a very fixed very low income. When Christmas advertisements come around in early November, sometimes I am still reminded of the farmhouse fun, but others, especially if it’s some fine jewelry that I couldn’t possibly afford to give my mom I have mixed feelings.

How It Makes Me Feel

For the most part there’s a touch of sadness, but sometimes it spirals down in to something that resembles anger mixed with embarrassment. Case in point, in 2013 I bought my sister something from Wallmart, and initially she seemed grateful, but a few months later she basically told me I was “white trash`.

The Tiffany’s Incident

Not to be out done my sister that same Christmas gave my mom a bracelet from Tiffany. It needed a little fix up a few months later, and since we were in Toronto we went in to Tiffany. I immediately got uncomfortable, and longed to tell my mom to leave me outside because I clearly didn’t belong in such a classy place.

What’s My Point?

I honestly feel that the holidays should be more about time honored traditions, the turkey, going visiting, or gathering around great-aunt Merna’s piano to sing those classic carols.

Rudolph The Resigning Prime Minister

Damn you, Jonathon Gatehouse. You and your National Today newsletter just ruined Christmas and Canadian history for me for the rest of time.

Today in history

Nov. 15, 1948: A farewell address from Prime Minister Mackenzie King — who was also apparently the voice of Sam the Snowman in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

He’s right, you guys.

Sam the Snowman:

Prime Minister King:

Other than some extra whistling on the S’s, it’s uncanny. Why was this glossed over in high school?

No, I didn’t forget the Christmas Wrap-Up. Here It Is

So here it is, February 5th and I’m finally writing the post I always do about our holidays. Although horribly late, it’s not as late as it seems because we only finished having get-togethers 3 weeks ago. Why? Because weather and circumstances are evil.

We had the best plan ever. We were going to spread the get-togethers out so that we didn’t end up doing the massive Christmas get-together hop that left us all exhausted. We thought we would have the thing with Steve’s dad early. We were going to do it at Brad’s place. Everything was a go…until weather made it so Steve’s dad couldn’t get to Brad’s place. So…the rest of us got there, but not Steve’s dad. It was an awesome day, except for the part where it didn’t serve its purpose. We eventually had a Christmas thing at Steve’s dads in mid January. Oops.

Steve and I spent actual Christmas with my family, which was a lot of fun. Our first nephew is almost 2, so he can provide all of the entertainment. You have to watch what you say, though, because he’s hoovering up words like a sponge. He loves Steve. and if it was allowed, he’d have Steve bounce him all day. “High? High? Boing! Boing! Boing!” He doesn’t know what Tansy is, though. He tries to sit on her, scream into her fur, pull her tail. We all have to be on guard so he doesn’t unintentionally hurt her. He has his own little dog at home, but she’s a lot smaller, and doesn’t lie as still. We sometimes have to protect him when Tansy tries to play with his little dog, and gets carried away.

My sister’s baby is getting bigger, and is starting to form a personality. He notices every little noise, and jumps, which I’m not used to. Even my dad’s cough would make him startle.

Then our get-together with Steve’s mom and company got delayed because a bunch of them got the flu! Yuck, I’m glad I never got that bug. It even hit Steve’s sister’s baby. Poor little guy! We eventually got together about a month or so ago.

On the subject of that little nephew, he’s starting to figure out how to move, and yup, we’re in trouble. Apparently he can get into a lot of mischief in a short time. He’s also fascinated with pulling hair, as I have learned. Hmm. We’re going to a family party today. Maybe I should tie my hair back.

After buying a few toys for the nephews for Christmas, I have learned that VTech makes a lot of kids’ toys. I only knew they made cordless phones…shows what I know. But I feel like they make every kids’ toy known to man. Is it me, or does that giggling kid not sound a little creepy sometimes?

Also, some of the grandkids got together at my grandma’s house. That was fun, reminiscing about the trouble we got into as kids. Plus, Grandma got to see the new little guys, so that was a good thing. Hopefully none of her fake fruit went missing…some of it got carried around and played with a little bit.

Christmas was good. We got just the right amount of everything, and we got a new microwave. The one we’ve been using for about 17 years started howling like it was being injured and taking longer to warm things up. It’s weird having a microwave that actually works. I always end up heating things up too much.

Through our attempts to label said microwave, we have learned that they don’t make Braille label tape like they used to. If you don’t use it for a while, all its stickiness goes. I had to borrow a friend’s tape because mine looked like it had been put through the war. When we tried to label the microwave, the labels fell right off! Even glue wouldn’t hold them on. We eventually had to call in the CNIB to label it, and those labels stuck. My only thought is if you don’t use the tape, it goes bad. But I don’t ever remember that being a problem before.

I think that sums up all the holiday get-togethers. We certainly got our wish that they were spread out…but they were spread out *after* Christmas, which wasn’t part of the plan. I do have to say that having a couple things in January made that month feel a little less dreary though.

What can I say about 2016? Although it wasn’t a very good year in a lot of ways, for us personally, it was a pretty good one. Getting two baby nephews and having a whole year of good health for us and everyone in our immediate circles makes 2016 a decent year. Now let’s just hope 2017 can be a decent year for everyone. I know it didn’t get started in a good way, but there’s a lot of year to go. Hopefully it can get turned around.

Hail Mary, Full Of…Uh, Guys? Is She Supposed To Be Full Of Those Things?

These songs, as you may have noticed, are just a tiny bit different. But while this observation did not get bye you, the same cannot be said for the person responsible for printing up the lyric sheets for this year’s Catholic Joy to the World Festival.

A Christmas carol service in the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo has accidentally printed out the lyrics to late rapper Tupac Shakur’s ‘Hail Mary’ in its programme instead of the 15th century Catholic prayer. 
The mix-up occurred at the 2016 Catholic Joy to the World Festival at the city’s Nelum Pokuna Theatre during one of Sri Lanka’s largest Christmas celebrations earlier this month.
Instead of finding the words “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee/blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb”, the carol singers were invited to reflect on the 1997 song’s themes of mortality, violence and sex and whether they wanted to “ride or die.”

If it hasn’t happened already, somebody please find a way to mash these up. It would make things so much easier next year.

We Wish You A Maily Christmas

Here is the story of Juanita Rodenhiser , a very sweet, well-intentioned mom who’s trying to bring her daughter some happiness. Believe me, I completely understand that goal. But the thing is she has not heard the stories of the others who have preceded her into the “another postcard” category in which she now finds herself. Juanita, if you find this post, please try to not be angry with me and call me horrible names, as others before you have done.

I love that people have been so sweet and sent cards of all shapes and sizes. I love that they will now serve their purpose of giving her daughter something to look at while she deals with the evil leukemia. I just hope against hope that when they are no longer needed, that they stop. I really and truly do. On one side, since there is a date on the page on which this was posted, maybe that will help people take a second and not send them when it’s been years and years. But the realistic part of me takes one look at my Facebook news feed where people fall for old hoaxes and re-post ancient obituaries of famous people as if they just died, and knows that the previous hope is too high.

Since they have had to store all these cards somewhere else, maybe they should enlist Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage.

All joking aside, I do hope Hailey Rodenhiser has a Christmas full of good times with friends and family, and rests up enough to put on her army boots and stomp leukemia into dust, where it belongs so she can have many more Christmases that are even better.

Christmas Memories On Acid

The thing I just posted about the fire that wasn’t got me thinking about a couple of seasonal things I maybe should have soundtracked it with. But since I didn’t use them there, I’ll just stick ’em here.

First, this clip from an episode of This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

And this classic holiday ditty from the Vestibules.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Scary Christmas

Steve told me about these painful-sounding Victorian Christmas parlor games and after I stopped wincing and covering my face, I started to envision what would happen if somehow, someone of that era could visit current day us, sort of like those old Freedom 55 commercials.

I can see it all now. “You folks are wimps! You bob for apples, and there is no flame? You play Blind Man’s Bluff and don’t set out to trip the blindfolded guy up? You’ve all gone soft I tell you!”

The one that made me scream the most was this one.

Indeed, in the early years of Queen Victoria’s rule, Christmas rivaled Spring Break for sheer bawdiness and self-destruction. Nowhere is this more evident than in the bonkers Victorian parlor game of Snapdragon.
Traditionally played on Christmas Eve, players of Snapdragon must find themselves a broad, shallow bowl, and then prepare to risk their health. Into this bowl should be poured two dozen raisins. If raisins are hard to come by, almonds, grapes or plums will suffice. You should then pour a bottle of brandy into the bowl so that the raisins bob up and down like drowning flies. Place the bowl on a sturdy table, turn the lights down low, and then, with appropriate panache, ignite the brandy.

To play Snapdragon, arrange your family and friends around the blazing bowl so that their faces are lit in a demonic fashion and then, one by one, take turns plunging your hands into the flames in order to try and grab a raisin. If you can accomplish this, promptly extinguish the flaming raisin by popping it into your mouth and eating it.

Reading this reminds me of Steve’s old 19th century April Fools post. Yup, similar time, similar scary practices.

As an aside, while digging for an old Freedom 55 commercial, I came across this bizarre parody. Steve, can you identify these guys? Heck, can anyone identify these guys?

Merry Christmas everyone, and…stay away from the snapdragon.

Christmas Musings

Here we are, December 23 and once again I’m wondering how the heck we got here. When I was little, I remember being told that as I get older, the years will go faster and faster. I thought that was a load of crap, after all, time is time, and how can it possibly go any faster? Well, now I understand what they were saying, and agree 100%.

I lucked out pretty well this Christmas, although some people will be getting their presents a little later. Part of that was me taking a little while to get something to work, I can’t say what it is because it hasn’t been delivered yet, but I had the thing crafted last Friday, but it has to be shipped to me first because it’s part of a present. It’s on its way to me now, but that means it won’t arrive in time.

I got the sweetest present from Tansy’s puppy raisers. They got me a gift certificate to a local spa. That’s just amazing, and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I’ve always wanted to try that place. I guess it’s time now.

Because I’m terribly bad at not saying things when they happen these days, I neglected to mention the birth of two new nephews. Steve’s sister had her baby back in April, and my sister had her baby in July. They’re both adorable in their own ways. When Steve’s sister’s baby starts seriously moving around, we’re all in trouble. But with all these itty bitty nephews around, it’s got me thinking about the silly things I thought about certain Christmas carols when I was wee. So here we go.

I already mentioned my thoughts on “Sleigh ride” in this very synthy post, but what I neglected to do was include the original.

When I listen to it now, I think what must have happened was the first time I heard it, I was half asleep. If you’re drifting in and out of sleep, the combination of the whip, those Disney characters yowling along, and the ending would have combined to make a perfect storm of eeeeeek!

Frosty the Snow man only perplexed me because of its eyes. Two eyes made out of coal? Either Frosty must have been a very naughty boy to have coal stuck in his head, or the kids were digging into their own supply of lumps of coal they had gotten in the past. I was a little grossed out that they had saved corn cobs from when they had fresh corn, and just had them lying around so they could make a pipe out of one. I eventually figured out that it was probably that dried decorative corn stuff, but for a bit there, I was wondering why they were saving gross old corn cobs.

I know “”Santa Claus is Coming to Town” is supposed to be a little scary as in, “Behave yourselves because Santa is watching,” but for some reason it freaked me out more than a little. Maybe it was because so many times I didn’t know who was around the next corner, and would often get myself in trouble by saying the wrong thing when the school principal, for example, was right there. So, I would always try to figure out where Santa could be watching from. Now we know how Santa’s magical spying ability works, since you can’t spell Santa without NSA.

Whenever I would listen to Snoopy and the Red Barron’s Christmas, I would get mad whenever it would get to the line about “bringing peace to all the world, and good will to man.” For reasons only I will understand, I thought it said good will to men, and would immediately think “Why do men get all the good will? What about us?” Yup, I’m weird.

Last but not least, I remember when I stumbled across Bob and Doug’s Twelve Days of Christmas, and how frustrated it made me. I couldn’t figure out why they would make a professional album if they were so bad. They couldn’t sing, they couldn’t keep rhythm, they would babble through it, and they jumped from day 8 to day 12. Um, goofy kid Carin, that was the point. Oops.

Those are the only songs I can think of at This exact moment. If I don’t get a chance to say it before Christmas, merry Christmas and everything else to everyone. Also, let’s just hope we can coast through the final days of 2016 without having any more death and destruction.