You Might Feel A Small Prick In Your Mouth

Right now I’m in the market for a dentist with an office closer to where I live than my current one because it’s getting to be a pain in the ass to have to go out of town every time, but maybe it’s not such a big deal. I’ve been going there for as long as I can remember. They know me. I know them. We trust each other. Perhaps I should just accept those day trips as a fact of life and suck it up. Wait…perhaps that was a poor choice of words, and perhaps my reconsidering the dentist search is just a temporary thing that’ll go away once I have a chance to forget about this.

Bilal Ahmed of Rockville, Md. was in Superior Court of the District of Columbia Thursday on a charge of first-degree sexual abuse of a patient or client after he allegedly forced the patient to perform oral sex during the procedure. 
On May 22, 2014, the documents say the patient was at Ahmed’s dental practice, Universal Smiles, at 2311 M Street after complaining that he chipped a tooth while eating. During his visit, Ahmed told the patient that he would have to remove the tooth. The patient then insisted on Nitrous Oxide being used and Ahmed, 43, told him that his insurance did not cover the use of the gas and he would have to cover the cost himself, according to the documents. 
The patient told investigators that when he received the gas a male dental assistant was present in the room, the documents say. 
The patient later woke up and noticed that his mask was partially off his face and described feeling something in his mouth, the documents said. He then noticed Ahmed’s penis was in his mouth, according to the documents. 
Ahmed then escorted the patient to the recovery room and the patient left Ahmed’s office two hours latter, charging documents say.

There’s something funny about the name Universal Smiles. Just me?

Anyway, for reasons unexplained (He wanted to see about a second date?), Ahmed is said to have called the unnamed patient several times following the incident. During one of the calls which was recorded by police, Ahmed reportedly admitted guilt, telling him that he was not crazy and not hallucinating.

Creepy.

After the hearing, Ahmed was released under what was described as “high-intensity supervision” pending his next court appearance.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to go not look for a dentist a little more.

One Of These Teeth Is Not Like The Others

I’m posting this partly because holy shit this guy, and partly as a public service.

If this Khaled Hashem fellow claims he’s your “dentist”, your “dental surgeon”, a “doctor” or even that he’s just some guy you can go to because he’s qualified to perform dental work, no, he isn’t. He may have been any or all of those things at some point, but legally he can’t be any of them now. And really, that’s probably for the best.

According to the College, Hashem had been working in Ottawa since 1985.
He was cautioned in 1996 for not completing a procedure that was charged for, then twice again in 2011 for improper infection control and bookkeeping concerns.
Hashem then lost his licence for five months last year, again over health and financial concerns but also when he was found to have performed a partial, “substandard” root canal on a patient without her consent.

The incident that ultimately led to the loss of his licence happened March 24, 2012, according to the legal documents.
A 23-year-old female Carleton University student identified only as K.W. had lost her retainer, leaving her with a gap in her teeth.
She called two emergency clinics she found online and got a hold of Hashem, who told her to come into his clinic.
After she said she wanted a “full smile”, K.W. said they discussed “putting crowns in” and the procedure was done.
The legal documents describe what followed with K.W., Hashem and K.W.’s regular dentist, Dr. Tadeusz Henike:
“K.W. was able to observe her appearance, and became dissatisfied. To her, it looked like a piece of chewed up gum had been put into her mouth,” the disciplinary panel wrote.
“On inspection, Dr. Henike ‘thought the work looked a little rough’ … X-rays confirmed that these were someone else’s teeth.
“It was Dr. Henike’s evidence that he had never before encountered the situation of someone else’s teeth being cemented into a patient’s mouth … He informed K.W. that the dentist who had done this work had not met the standard of care in Ontario.
“K.W. testified that on learning that Dr. Henike suspected that these were human teeth, she was ‘completely disgusted and mortified.’”
Dr. Henike removed the tooth fragments and later called Hashem, who told him he did what he did because K.W. was “pleading for teeth.”

Right. the old because she asked me to defense. Just what you want to hear from the qualified professional who literally has your life in his hands.

Speaking of defenses, in this guy’s I can see where maybe the idea of transplanting a tooth might cross your mind for a fraction of a second. I mean hell, we do it with hearts and livers and kidneys and stuff all the time, and that’s way more dangerous! The problem is that the fraction of a second right before the one where your brain goes “transplant a tooth” should be the one where that same brain is all like “wouldn’t it be a horrible idea to…”

All I Want For Christmas Is My 32 Teeth

It’s been a while since the dentists tag has gotten a workout, but I think it might be time.

A Missouri man is suing his dentist for allegedly pulling out all 32 of his teeth for no reason.

Skyler A. King, 23, claims he visited a Clayton dentist about an abscess and was told he had to extract all his teeth because he was at risk of fatal blood clotting.

King says Mark D. Meyers DDS, dba Eat Right Dentures/Same Day Dentures, told him all his teeth would have to come out, according to the suit filed in St. Louis County Court April 17.

The suit goes on to say that King would have needed 3 teeth pulled at most and that his abscess was totally treatable.

I don’t want to go around accusing anybody of anything, but did you happen to catch the names of those clinics?

>Spring Ahead…Into My Thought Pool

>Now that I’ve got my email fixed, it’s ramblin’ time!

I’m so happy that winter was not too bad to us, but I’m even happier that spring just might be on its way. It’ll take me a long time to truly believe it’s here since winter never really got going, but whatever this weather is, I’m enjoying it.

I’ve noticed lately that Trix has this new bizarre morning ritual. She comes out, heads for Steve, snorts, and spits all over him! She never does this to me, just poor Steve! And I swear she makes sure to maximize how much of him gets the snort shower. What the hell does that mean?

The other day Steve and I were watching Investigation Discovery, a channel all about looking into violent crimes, forensics, all that sort of stuff. There are lots of stories about dismembered corpses and such. There’s this commercial for St. Ives lotion that plays all the damn time on there. Here’s the commercial. What does it sing about? Body parts! That would be perfectly innocent, except for what most of the content of the channel is? Hands, shoulders knees and toes…some in the river, some in concrete. Thighs and heels…in a dumpster. Ankles and elbows…in a bag. You get the idea. If I ever bought that lotion, I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about gory murders.

A long time ago, I talked about how when Trix was new, I would do stupid things like tell my friends to come and heel. Well, I did it again the other day, to the huppy! At least I had half an excuse that day. He was wearing one of those kid leashes and I was holding it. His mom had to go to the ER and didn’t know how she’d manage the Huppy too. I said I’d help but he had to wear his little harness dealy. I had to hold onto it when they had a look at her, and I wanted him right beside me. Without thinking I said “heel!” Then I laughed out loud.

The other day, I had it brought home to me how we truly are spoiled by technology. Our internet broke down. That sounds like an odd sentence next to talking about being spoiled, but just wait. I had some things that really needed doing, so Steve and I decided screw waiting for the internet. We’d just go to a restaurant that has free Wifi and get things done. And so…off to the Baker Street Station we went, ate some yummy food, and I clickity typety sent my emails.

Seriously, how cool is that? Years ago, we would have been waiting for our internet. But the other day we just picked up the office and took it elsewhere. When we got our stuff done, we came back home, and hey, would ya look at that? Internet! We really are sitting in a chair in the sky.

I mentioned a while ago that I found myself a dentist. Thankfully I doubt she’ll be a scary dentist. She’s actually pretty cool. She loves dogs, and after we’re done, I take Trix’s harness off and let her pet the ol’ boodog. By consequence, Trix loves the dentist’s office. There’s a small part of me that wonders if she enjoys taking me in there because they do things to me in there, not her, but she still gets lots of love. But oh man does she love going to the door. It makes people laugh who see it. I was also relieved that the high pitched noises of the equipment didn’t bother her. She just lies still and is a perfect pooch.

And I think that’s all I’ve got for this installment of Carin bores the bejeebers out of readers, then disappears. Get out and enjoy today, it’s supposed to be awesome.

>Hopefully This Song Doesn’t Predict My Future

>Well, the day has come. I have found a dentist, and I’m headed there. I kept putting it off, and I finally made myself go.

Partly because of our dentists tag, and partly because it’s hard to find a dentist that will take my dental plan, I went strictly on recommendations. I was not going to find some random dentist. That was just too scary a prospect. Two of the dentists that were recommended weren’t the easiest to go to, so I chose one of the easier ones. Now let’s hope it was the right choice. The receptionist seemed a bit intimidating. One of the first sentences out of her mouth after saying they were taking patients was “Are you good at keeping appointments? If you don’t show up for an appointment or don’t cancel 24 hours in advance, we kick you out.” Well, hello, and a warm welcome to you too. I also don’t think she truly grasps the idea of blind. That should be fun and a half when she whips out the form and tells me to start writing.

And, I haven’t been to a dentist with Trix yet. Yup, it’s been that long. Shame, shame, shame! So I don’t know how she’ll respond either, or if anything stupid will happen. Baaaa.

So, because my brain is cruel as hell, it decided the greatest soundtrack for the day would be Psychostick – The Root Of All Evil

Really? Must you? It’s been a long time and I’m not exactly leaping for joy to go. Why would you do that to me, brain? You’re evil.

So, hopefully I don’t have more to post about after my afternoon appointment.

The Service Here Bites

It’s been a while since we’ve had a dentist story, so let’s fix that, shall we?

Florida dentist Michael Hammonds, 57, is facing assault and battery charges after getting into a bit of a fight and screaming match with an 85-year-old woman over a denture procedure that wasn’t going well.

According to cops, Michael Hammonds, 57, was attempting to adjust Virginia Graham’s “lower partial dentures” when the senior citizen “began screaming” due to pain caused by the ill-fitting false teeth.

“Graham removed the partials from her mouth and threw them at Hammonds, which he caught,” according to a Volusia County Sheriff’s Office report.

When Hammonds refused Graham’s demand for a $900 refund, she tried to snatch the dentures from the dentist’s hand, prompting a “brief tug-of-war.” At that point, “Graham then bent down and bit Hammonds hand forcing him to let go of the partial.”

Graham then got out of the operating chair and sought to leave Hammonds’s Deltona office. But the dentist “got in her face and began screaming at her, causing her to fear that he would potentially cause her harm,” investigators reported. Graham told deputies that Hammonds physically kept her from leaving his office. She “made one final attempt to leave by trying to climb over the receptionist desk and out the receptionists window,” but abandoned that bid in order to avoid injury.

Sheriff’s deputies observed “multiple bruising” on Graham’s upper arms and forearms, and her “left upper arm was bleeding due to her skin tearing when Hammonds grabbed her arm.”

So far, there haven’t been any charges filed against Graham for biting him or throwing things, likely because well, she’s 85. then again, age has never been something to stop the authorities in the past, and some of those old people are still pretty damn tough and in control of themselves. Hard call.

I think the reason our dentist friend took it on the chin so hard (felony assault, battery and false imprisonment) has a lot to do with the part where he didn’t just let the crazy woman leave. Taking old folks hostage when it looks like you’ve beaten them up a little can’t help but look bad even if you’re completely in the right, which I have no idea whether or not he was. Either way, not smart.

Some People Call Me The Pain Pill Cowboy, Some Call Me The Dentist Of Love

We have another dentist, Dr. Steven S. Miller, in trouble with the law. If you wanted a prescription pain narcotic, if you were female, all you had to do was offer him sexual favours. Not really much else to this story, except for the shocked neighbours who couldn’t believe he was capable of this. Well, there are a few witnesses who’ve helped get him on tape, so it looks like it’s true.

>Some Weird Ads For Ya

>It’s time once again for an episode of what the hell is up with these commercials? This one took us a while to put together, and it has less in it.

There’s been this ad campaign pushing Ontario as the place to be. I think it started when we moved into this apartment, because I thought it was kind of weird that once I moved, the TV started singing “there’s no place like this where I’ve been” as if it liked my new digs too. I had no idea what it was for until I googled it.

Anyway, in the old song, it used to sing “There’s no other place like this for me,” but in the newer versions, it seriously sounds like it’s saying “There’s no place like this for me.” So let me get this straight. This person is singing this song about how glorious Ontario is…but they can’t live here? Why not? Did they get kicked out?

Am I the only one who thinks that ads for FruitSimple make us sound like a pack of lazy slugs? “It’s like drinking a serving of fruit through a straw!” And I should be thrilled about this? Why wouldn’t I just eat my fruit? Can I no longer chew? Is my jaw wired shut after a horribly-disfiguring accident?

You know, last year, we wanted to murder the talking Super 8 sign. Well, this year, it has a new voice, and I can’t decide if he’s better or worse. At least last year’s sign had personality, even if that personality was annoying. This one just sounds, um, kinda creepy, and kinda like he’s reading as fast as he can. I hate the way he chuckles when he says “I got low rates.” Is that the place to chuckle? And don’t you think the guy working on his car sounds really, really, really dumb? Yup, sweet-cheeks loves his pie, and loves to say ummm. I wish I could find a link to some audio, but I can’t.

During the news, there’s always a spot where it says “brought to you by Arvanitis and Associates, dentistry by design.” I know they’re into cosmetic dentistry, but that slogan always makes our heads spin. What other dentistry is there, dentistry by accident? I would hope you’re in dentistry by design, as opposed to “hmmm…what kind of sign shall I slap on my office door here?” But I guess, judging by the contents of our dentists tag, dentistry by accident is pretty common.

There’s something about this Marineland Arctic Cove song that has always bothered the hell out of me. It starts off with “They come from a land of ice and snow,” and I always sub in, “Now we threw them in a tank at Arctic cove.” I don’t know, mentioning Belugas’ natural habitat just before talking about seeing them in a glorified aquarium has always kinda bugged me. Now, I have come up with a longer version of the Arctic Cove song.

“They come from a land of ice and snow,
now belugas have a tank at Arctic Cove.
Reach out, touch, give them a smile,
they haven’t killed a trainer in a long while.
You never know when, they’re gonna kill again,
so come on, kids, jump in!
Arctic Cove, Marineland.”

Yes, we’re evil. And yes, I know it wasn’t at marineland where that trainer became a meal.

Every time we see the Oil of Olay Regenerist commercial that brags about how their product does better than the $700 cream, we say the same thing. What? There’s a $700 cream out there, and people are buying it? What kind of fools can spend $700 on something to make their face look less wrinkly? Rich ones, I guess. But how do fools become rich?

Whenever we see this Febreeze Fabric-Refresher commercial, We have to wonder what is wrong with this woman, or what is wrong with the person who did the splice job, or maybe a little of both. Listen to how she says “It removes odours of…sports, teenagers, orcooking!” I took the space out on purpose because those words are all squished together. Who talks like that? And who can’t live a week without Febreeze Fabric-Refresher? Seriously.

When we first talked about that Charmin Ambassador job, we thought the slogan “enjoy the go” was odd. It hasn’t gotten any better now that the commercial has hit the TV. And since this is an ad for toilet paper, shouldn’t it be “enjoy the cleanup? And incidentally, does this ad actually show a dog using TP? If not, who goes around inspecting people’s butts? Ug. That’s almost as bad as “enjoy the go.”

And that does it for this round of ads. I said it would be smaller.