This Old Man, 74, Tied Used Condoms To My Door

So you know you want to be creepy and gross to the womenfolk, but you aren’t so sure that you want to be quite as in your face about it as some people. What do you do? Well, if you’re this particular fellow, you leave an extra package on their cars while they’re off enjoying …

Welcome To Ballmart

A 65-year-old Iowa man could spend up to a year in jail if convicted of charges resulting from an incident that saw him riding around a Walmart in one of the store’s electric carts whilst polishing the old pricing gun. Gary Michael Sheriff was accused of indecent exposure when he “exposed his genitals to customers …

Reese’s Pieces

The Reese McGuire public masturbation case has been resolved. It actually wound up over the summer, but this is me we’re dealing with here and I’m not always the quickest at getting to these things. Toronto Blue Jays catcher Reese McGuire has pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge — a second-degree misdemeanour — …

Try Before You Buy

I haven’t been seeing nearly as much of this sort of thing lately (Virus keeping all of them at home?), especially not ones starring women. A Fort Pierce cop was dispatched early Tuesday evening to the Lion’s Den Adult Superstore “in reference to a disturbance,” according to an arrest affidavit. En route to the business, …

There’s A Whitewater Rapids Joke In Here Somewhere

Another dude has been caught slipping his baby mayo into the drink of an unsuspecting woman, but this time it’s not because he was trying to win her affection. Robert Tyson, 63, was found guilty last year of twice doing the deed to the water mug of a coworker he was having issues with. He …

Here, Take My Card. Oh, And My Shween

Lewdness incident at Vineland Public Library leads to arrest A library patron told officers she was sitting and reading a book on Monday when a man struck up a conversation and gave her a card identifying himself as Darell Jones. While chatting, the man reportedly moved closer to the woman and exposed himself, prompting her to move away and …

If You Need Something To Do, You Can Heat UP This Hot Dog

Serious question. Do pick-up techniques like those employed by Mustafa Demiray here ever actually work? I know that if I ever said anything to a woman to the effect of “hey, you’re bored, I’m bored, how’s about you lollipop my dong” it would be nothing but a ticket to the ICU to have the swelling …

That’s Not What They Meant When They Told You To Get The Head Out

Not sure how poor Reese McGuire is ever going to live this one down. Any time a commentator makes a reference to choking up on the lumber or getting some good wood on that ball, this is all anybody’s going to be thinking about. And don’t even get me started on what he might be …