There’s A Whitewater Rapids Joke In Here Somewhere

Another dude has been caught slipping his baby mayo into the drink of an unsuspecting woman, but this time it’s not because he was trying to win her affection. Robert Tyson, 63, was found guilty last year of twice doing the deed to the water mug of a coworker he was having issues with. He […]

Faptism

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I do not understand the appeal of meth. I mean sure, maybe beating off in a baptismal pool in front of a church full of people is fun for some folks, but I am not those folks. One person who is those folks is 21-year-old Zachary […]

Here, Take My Card. Oh, And My Shween

Lewdness incident at Vineland Public Library leads to arrest A library patron told officers she was sitting and reading a book on Monday when a man struck up a conversation and gave her a card identifying himself as Darell Jones. While chatting, the man reportedly moved closer to the woman and exposed himself, prompting her to move away and […]

If You Need Something To Do, You Can Heat UP This Hot Dog

Serious question. Do pick-up techniques like those employed by Mustafa Demiray here ever actually work? I know that if I ever said anything to a woman to the effect of “hey, you’re bored, I’m bored, how’s about you lollipop my dong” it would be nothing but a ticket to the ICU to have the swelling […]

That’s Not What They Meant When They Told You To Get The Head Out

Not sure how poor Reese McGuire is ever going to live this one down. Any time a commentator makes a reference to choking up on the lumber or getting some good wood on that ball, this is all anybody’s going to be thinking about. And don’t even get me started on what he might be […]

That’s Not Why It’s Called Headquarters

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, but it’s been a while. We don’t know exactly what brought Jamesley Jaques (pronounced Jacks even though it most likely isn’t but you’ll know why it is in a second) to the police station, but the reason he might be staying there a little longer […]

Frozen? Naah. It’s Getting Pretty Hot In Here, Actually

Police said Cody Meader, 20, of St. Petersburg, entered the store around 2 p.m. Tuesday. He walked up to a display of merchandise from Frozen, picked a large Olaf stuffed animal, placed it on the floor and proceeded to rub himself against it until he ejaculated. Then he put it back on the display. Authorities […]